belonging

Day 537

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In his TED talk, “Depression is a disease of civilisation” says Professor Stephen Ilardi who has been a clinical researcher in the field of depression for the last 20 years. He compares our modern lifestyle with that of ancient tribes which have as much as 200 times lower incidence of depression.

Research shows that the incidence of depression continues to go up with every subsequent generation because we humans are not designed for sedentary, indoor, socially isolated, fast food laden, sleep deprived, frenzied pace of modern life. He believes that like diabetes, atherosclerosis, obesity, and asthma, depression is a modern inflammatory disorder originating from highly unnatural and stressful ways of living.

His team has come up with 6 ways to tame the stress response and they call it Therapeutic Lifestyle Change (TLC) :

  1. Exercise
  2. Sunlight
  3. Omega-3 Fatty acids
  4. Anti-ruminative activity
  5. Healthy sleep
  6. Social connections

He emphasises that exercise is medicine as it stimulates dopamine and serotonin signaling thus having antidepressive and anti-ageing effects as well as increasing mental sharpness. 30 minutes of brisk walking with a friend per week is recommended as a very effective “low dose” therapeutic intervention.

Rumination is a hallmark of depression and it ramps up the brain’s stress response. It is most likely to take place when we are alone and idle. He recommends 3 steps to handle it – to notice it, to decide to step out of it and thereafter to redirect our attention to something like a shared activity (as opposed to a conversation which can often reinforce rumination), a solo activity such as playing a musical instrument, writing our thoughts down for about 10 minutes or going for a nature walk thus changing our context to prime other thoughts.

As it happens, in a moment of great inspiration I signed up to a 50 kms walk along a scenic route by the river Thames on the 10th of September 2016 which happens to be the International Suicide Prevention day. Last year four of us walked 25 kms and raised about 3000 pounds. This year we are 3 in our team so far. I look forward to raising some awareness about suicide related issues and in the process raising funds for Papyrus. It should be fun.

 

 

 

Day 536

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It’s nice to have texts, Facebook and Whatsapp messages from friends staying in touch. It’s nicer to get a phone call and have a chat about things. It’s even better to sit with a friend or acquaintance for a while and talk. Tea and toast on top is just the best.

Lately I met a young man of about 30 who is a keen swimmer. In general conversation, sitting in a circle with other people the topic of horse-riding came up and all of a sudden I saw a quiver run across his lower lip, his face tightened and his eyes lowered. In that moment a dark shadow seemed to have engulfed him. In due course it emerged that he had had a riding accident in his adolescence which had left him deeply traumatised.  A diagnosis of PTSD had been made and he had received treatment for a few years before he felt better. If I had been speaking with him about this on the phone, I would probably have missed the subtle clues that came through his body language.

They say 93% of communication is non-verbal. By paying attention to posture and facial expressions it is possible to guage someone’s feelings and to some extent thoughts. Our subconscious speaks through the way our body holds itself.
“How are you?”
“I am ok.”
How often do spoken words not match body language. The incongruity is apparent in person but not on text, Facebook or whatsapp.
It’s easy for us to think we have got in touch with our friends through these electronic media and be reassured by their answers but it is not difficult for them to hide behind these media and not reveal the whole truth.

September/October is the time when most students go back to their school or university and get busy settling down with their new friends, routines and courses. Saagar’s friends did the same while he stayed at home. We talked about that year being the ‘gap year’ which he had never taken. Once he got better we planned to go travelling. His friends couldn’t be there for him in person but they kept in touch with him through social media and the phone.

On the morning of ‘Day 0’ I called Saagar from work as usual around 10 am to wake him up. I noticed that he was a bit quieter than normal but that wasn’t entirely surprising. I texted him in the afternoon to ask how he was doing. Saagar’s last text to me was, “Just on a walk x”. The truth, but not the whole truth.

Day 525

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As I was walking out of the hospital after work, raring to go home, I saw a couple sitting on a bench in the corridor. She was in pieces. I stopped, introduced myself and asked them if I could help. She had been scheduled for an operation. She was anaesthetised and the operation was attempted but for some reason it was not completed to her satisfaction. She was distraught. Her eyes were soulless. She said that she felt like her life was not worth living and there was absolutely no reason to stay alive. Her husband seemed worried. He was trying his best to comfort her and said that at the best of times, she tended to be highly strung. He also said that they had had a rough year.

I sat down beside them, held her hand and said that it was not surprising that she felt that way although at that moment she was under the influence of a number of anaesthetic drugs that might be distorting the true picture for her. This feeling would pass I reassured her. She continued to cry but she was listening.

Not sure how long I was there for but I did leave them with the message that whenever she feels like that she must speak with somebody and gave them Samaritan’s phone number. I identified that she had her parent’s visit over the Easter weekend to look forward to. I brought to her attention that she was much loved and cherished and I suggested her husband get professional help for her. Before I left I saw her regain herself enough to say thank you. There was some light in her eyes. I looked into them and said, “You are so precious. You have no idea how precious you are.”

At this point I had to leave as it would have been unprofessional to break down in front of patients in a hospital corridor.

Day 524

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Kids are home for Easter. Two of the girls dropped by this evening for dinner, a catch-up and lots of hugs. We talked about the strong and senseless drinking culture amongst university students, especially in the first year, the exhilaration of newly found freedom, the peer pressure, the not knowing when to stop, the erratic behavior it caused, the social sanction of it and the sheer acceptance of it as the norm. We caught up on current boyfriends, childhood sweethearts, hats, shoes and scarves, the films we had watched and the ones we had avoided because it might still be too early. For example, I did not watch ‘Room’ for that reason. They shared the tedium of essays and dissertations, the excitement and apprehension about soon finishing university and stepping out into the ‘real’ world.

They learnt to cook ‘daal’ by watching me. We had a nice, simple meal and then cleared up together.

It felt warm and fuzzy.

It’s great spending time with his friends. They are bright and funny, just like him. They make time for me and that is just wonderful! Lucky me. xxx

Day 521

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It was too late by the time they found out but many of his friend’s knew. This couple was completely oblivious of their teenage son’s suicidal intent but he had spoken of it to many of his friends. They didn’t know what to do. They kept quiet. Now the parent’s campaign actively to prevent suicides and their main message for the young is – if any of your friends express suicidal thoughts, please speak to an older person you trust. That person could be you or me or a GP.

Trust is key. How many of us have a trusting relationship with our GP? Unluckily, I did but Saagar didn’t. He had only ever visited the practice twice –once to register as a patient and 6 years later to get his vaccinations before his trip to Uganda. I doubt if he saw the GP on any of those occasions. He didn’t even know the GP before he got really ill.

It is important for all of us to be aware of suicide risk because any of us could be asked for help by anyone at any time. That might be our one chance to keep someone safe.

PAPYRUS was founded in 1997 by a mother, Jean Kerr, from Lancashire following the death of her son to suicide. Gradually other parents all bereaved by suicide began to join her in the belief that something positive could come from their own tragedy.

Determined to prevent other parents suffering such pain, they began sharing their own personal experiences of loss in an effort to reduce the stigma surrounding young suicide and provide help to other parents worried about their child.

Since 1997, PAPYRUS has continued to listen to and learn from the experiences of those touched by young suicide. Today, PAPYRUS remains dedicated to offering support directly to young people at risk of suicide, their parents and any one concerned about a young person they know. Here is a link to their latest newsletter and contact details:

 https://www.papyrus-uk.org/news/item/papyrus-newsletter

Call: 0800 068 41 41

Email: pat@papyrus-uk.org

SMS: 07786 209697