Day 204

Even in a tragedy such as this some people find an opportunity to gossip. It is hard to have compassion for minds with such severe lack of compassion. Small minds.

May be it is learnt behavior or just a way to kill time. May be they are just making conversation, small talk. May be it is because they don’t know that they are capable of much more than mere gossip. They don’t realize their own value. May be it makes them feel good about themselves. I have no clue.

It makes me sad because it is a result of ignorance. Not knowing enough about mental illness and finding simplistic, almost child like, explanations for something as complex as suicide. Constructing a seemingly logical sequence of events, believing and propagating it when nothing about a suicide is ever logical.

This reinforces the need to increase awareness of mental illness one person at a time till we are all transformed into a society with deeper understanding and compassion, with eyes and hearts that can see each other’s beauty and anguish even when it is not physical and with minds that can think big.

This is my dream.

Day 202

The world is bipolar.
I refer to the north and south poles of course. And the disparaging extremes of wealth and poverty, the polarity of which seems to be increasing everyday.

There is the worshiping and plundering of nature in so many different ways. The deep connection with nature like the Native Americans and Maoris on one hand and the multibillion pounds worth of mining and oil & gas industries on the other.

Some parts of the world strongly believe in and practice non-violence and others make it their business to find innovative ways of keeping domestic and foreign wars alive in one form or another.

There is charity and joy on one side and jealousy and greed on the other; artistic creativity on one side and robotic corporate-ness on the other.

The media creates iconic figures out of ordinary people such as popular singers and footballers and within no time gleefully shreds them to pieces just for public entertainment.

Facebook is full of happy pictures as though that is the only face of life. Behind those are the struggles, the confusion and the worries that are not visible.

I wonder how it must feel to be growing up in this world.
Our world, that is so bipolar.

Day 200

Myths and facts about suicide

Suicide is a complex, poorly understood and much misunderstood condition which defies all logic. Here are a few misconceptions clarified.

Myth: You have to be mentally ill to think about suicide.

Fact: Most people (16.5% in the UK) have thought of suicide from time to time and not all people who die by suicide have mental health problems at the time of death. However, many people who kill themselves do suffer with their mental health, typically to a serious degree. Sometimes it’s known about before the person’s death and sometimes not.

Myth: People who talk about suicide aren’t serious and won’t go through with it.

Fact: People who kill themselves have often told someone that they do not feel life is worth living or that they have no future. Some may have actually said they want to die. While it’s possible that someone might talk about suicide as a way of getting the attention they need, it’s vitally important to take anybody who talks about feeling suicidal seriously.

“The majority of people who feel suicidal do not actually want to die; they do not want to live the life they have.”

Myth: Once a person has made a serious suicide attempt, that person is unlikely to make another.

Fact: People who have tried to end their lives before are significantly more likely to eventually die by suicide than the rest of the population.

Myth: If a person is serious about killing themselves then there is nothing you can do.

Fact: Often, feeling actively suicidal is temporary, even if someone has been feeling low, anxious or struggling to cope for a long period of time. This is why getting the right kind of support at the right time is so important.


Myth: Talking about suicide is a bad idea as it may give someone the idea to try it.

Fact: Suicide can be a taboo topic in society. Often, people feeling suicidal don’t want to worry or burden anyone with how they feel and so they don’t discuss it. By asking directly about suicide you give them permission to tell you how they feel. People who have felt suicidal will often say what a huge relief it is to be able to talk about what their experiencing. Once someone starts talking they’ve got a better chance of discovering other options to suicide.


Myth: Most suicides happen in the winter months.

Fact:  Suicide is more common in the spring and summer months.


Myth: People who threaten suicide are just attention seeking and shouldn’t be taken seriously.

Fact: People who threaten suicide should always be taken seriously. It may well be that they want attention in the sense of calling out for help, and giving them this attention may save their life.


Myth: People who are suicidal want to die.

Fact: The majority of people who feel suicidal do not actually want to die; they do not want to live the life they have. The distinction may seem small but is in fact very important and is why talking through other options at the right time is so vital.

Source: http://www.Samaritans.org

Day 193

“Antidepressants (Citalopram) may have a role in inducing worsening of depression and the emergence of suicidality in certain patients during the early phases of treatment. An increased risk of suicidal thinking and behavior in children, adolescents, and young adults (aged 18 to 24 years) with major depressive disorder (MDD) and other psychiatric disorders has been reported with short-term use of antidepressant drugs.”

(http://www.drugs.com/sfx/citalopram-side-effects.html)

My son was on Citalopram for the depressive phase of his illness for 4-6 weeks before Day 0. We could call it ‘short term use’. He was 20 years of age. He also had a major depressive disorder. The dose of Citalopram had been increased from 5 to 7.5 mg 2 days before Day 0. Were any side effects mentioned to me? No. Was he warned about this? No. Was he being monitored for this? No. Was he under specialist care? No. How many others out there are in the same situation? We don’t know. We do know that in some parts of UK, such as Blackpool, as many as 6 out of 10 people are on antidepressants.

Brain is the most poorly understood organ in the body. Hence it is not surprising that the drugs that are designed to treat a particular ‘brain disease’ might make it worse for a period of time.

“The bottom line is that rather than an enlightened and compassionate mental health system attending to the needs of our young, we have a dangerous and coercive system that stands impassive, not only in the face of repeated failures, but, unbelievably, of child deaths due to treatment.”

Jan Eastgate, International President Citizens Commission on Human Rights. USA.

Apparently it is not very different in America. Here is a detailed account:

http://www.fightforkids.org/silent_death_of_americas_children.pdf

Day 190

The doctor who spoke prior to me was a Consultant Psychiatrist. She spoke about depression. Her take-home message was ‘Depression is treatable.’ There was no mention of suicide. The fact that when depression gets too severe it may result in suicide was not presented to the audience. I wonder why! Are para-suicide and suicide not essential parts of the extreme end of the spectrum of depressive illness? Do they not deserve a mention given the appalling statistics?

If depression is treatable, suicide must be preventable. Maybe it is too simplistic a corollary but it makes sense. Doesn’t it?

In this age of ‘community based’ care of as many patients as possible, proper education of carers and the general public must be top priority. The government does not have the financial, motivational or organizational ability to meet the needs of patients and families. The government also has nothing at stake. We do. It is down to us to educate ourselves. Education is key. Nearly 6000 of us here in the UK die every year as a result of suicide – mostly young people. It’s a huge tragedy. 15-16 individuals everyday!

Today I spoke to a gathering of about 250-300 people about suicide prevention – my first attempt at generating awareness of this epidemic. As I read out the numbers indicating the enormity of the problem the gasps in the room were highly audible. My take home message was – “Let’s talk about it. It is our problem.”

It’s been 6 months and 9 days since he’s been gone. Was it too early to make this presentation? I don’t know. It took everything I had to stand up there and speak about it but it made perfect sense to do it. It’s already too late for me and those like me. But there is still time for many others.