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Loneliness and belongingness

Day 760

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4500 men end their  lives every year in the UK, 3 times more than women. Many times more self harm and attempt suicide. The highest suicide rate in 2014 was for men aged 45-49.

‘Building Modern Men’ is a series of articles published by Huffington post to mark the International Men’s Day (19th Nov). It covers a wide range of topics from male role models to inability to swim. (http://projects.huffingtonpost.co.uk/building-modern-men/) A Masculinity Audit carried out by Huff Post and CALM,looking into the causes of male suicide  found that :

  • Four out of ten males feel they lack the qualities and abilities that partners look for in a man

  • 61% of all respondents agree that men are stereotyped in the media

  • Four in ten male respondents strongly agreed that ‘women have unrealistic expectations of men’

(Ref: http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/mens-mental-health-building-modern-men_uk_58206805e4b0c2e24ab022fb?utm_hp_ref=uk)

‘For many, masculinity is a fatal burden’ says Grayson Perry on why old-school masculinity is man’s greatest enemy. The 56 years old transvestite artist has always seen masculinity as a choice. He has questioned his gender identity since the age of 12. He believes that his transvestism permits him a greater distance and sharper insight into the layers of manhood that he talks about in his new book ‘The Descent of Man’.
He believes that the traditional approach of ‘stiff upper lip’ is completely out dated. It renders men emotionally illiterate and unable to form healthy relationships. It leaves them very fragile yet unwilling to express their vulnerability, a lethal combination when it comes to mental health. The inflexibility of traditional masculinity doesn’t fit in the present times of change and diversity. That masculinity comes from an age of heavy industry and farming and it doesn’t work anymore.

‘We need to think of masculinity like a piece of equipment. Some men, like soldiers, need to use it all the time, others might need it at the weekend and others not at all.’

Day 758

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Prison statistics reported in June this year by the Howard league for Penal reform suggest the following:

  • 30% rise in ‘self inflicted’ deaths.
  • A dramatic increase in the number of women who took their own lives – 11 compared with only one during the preceding year.
  • The quarter between April and June 2016 recorded the highest figures for self-harm (9505, of which 665 led to attendances at hospital), 6086 assaults, including 1,540 assaults on staff.
  • Number of prisons awarded the worst possible rating has doubled in the last year.
  • Number of murders in prison over the last 2 years is more than the previous 8 years put together.
  • Budget cuts meant that prison officer numbers fell from 24,000 in 2010 to just over 14,000 by 2014

‘Prisons are not only becoming more dangerous, they are becoming more dangerous more quickly.’ Could it be because mental health issues continue to dominate the police custody world as officers strive to make detention a better and kinder experience for individuals suffering from a crisis. Without proper support from and liason with Mental health services, these individuals land up on the streets or in deeper trouble.

Statements of difficult predicaments from National Custody Seminar, September 2016 :

“You can be dealing with a detainee who is ready for release, and they say to the custody sergeant ‘as soon as I walk out of here, I’m going to jump under a train’ or hang themselves, or create some horrible outcome.”

“The custody officer is then of course faced with a very difficult problem to solve. If they are telling you and you’ve got no reason to disbelieve that they may kill themselves or self-harm, what do you do? Do you let them go? How long do you follow them for?”

“Some officers have tried to detain people for their own good because they can’t rely on the Mental Health Act. Common sense tells you it’s the right thing to do, but the law says you are breaking it. I think that’s a loophole that needs to be sorted out and addressed.”

The deteriorating statistics could surely be a reflection of 2 key services starved of resources trying to look after vulnerable people – Mental Health and Police services.

Sources:

http://howardleague.org/news/prisons-are-becoming-more-dangerous-more-quickly/

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/apr/12/ministers-prison-reform-overcrowded-understaffed-invest

http://polfed.org/newsroom/3683.aspx

Day 740

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Since 1st August 2016 ‘concealed carry’ is legal in Texas. It means that the state allows any licence-holder over 21 years of age to carry concealed handguns on their person while on university campus and into lectures.

Most educators in Texas are opposed to this for fear of the impact it will have of teaching contentious topics such as religion, politics and philosophy. But after the notorious shootings at Virginia Tech, Columbine and the University of Texas, some students welcome the ability to defend themselves. They also feel that it is a part of their culture as most of them are into hunting and target practise.

How would I feel if my friends and classmates were carrying lethal weapons? Would my teachers also be carrying them? How would that change the atmosphere of a lecture hall? The play ground? The pub? How would this ‘knowing but not knowing’ affect the relationships within the class?

(Source: https://campuscarry.utexas.edu/)

As indicated by the statistics below, half the suicides in the USA are caused by firearms. This could be due to the ready availability of means.

US statistics 2013

Total number of deaths by suicide : 42,773
13.4 per 100,000 population.

Firearm suicides : Number of deaths: 21,334
6.7 per 100,000 population

Suffocation suicides : Number of deaths: 11,407
3.6 per 100,000 population

Poisoning suicides : Number of deaths: 6,808
2.1 per 100,000 population

In addition 505 deaths occurred due to accidental or negligent discharge of a firearm and 11,208 due to homicide.

I like the proposal made by one of the professors at the University of Texas. He proposes ‘open care’ instead of ‘concealed carry’. If everyone knew that no one was carrying arms, we could be more relaxed and be caring towards each other. How have we come to a place where carrying a phallus shaped toy in our bag is illegal and carrying a handgun is not?

(http://www.cbsnews.com/news/university-of-texas-ut-campus-carry-law-sex-toy-protest-concealed-carry/)

Day 734

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2 months ago I made a presentation entitled ‘Understanding Resilience’ to a group of roughly 30 people in their twenties. It was well received and the feedback was encouraging. Here is the quantitative analysis, marked out of 5.

Content:  4.39

Presentation: 4.38

Relevence to me:  4.13

Overall:  4.38

It was interesting to see that the lowest score was to do with relevance. It means that while most of them liked the content and had an overall good impression of it, many of them thought it didn’t apply to them.

Perhaps it reflects the fact that at present they feel strong. Great! Long may it stay that way! If I had attended a presentation like that a few years ago, I would have thought the same. But I do hope that if any of their friends, colleagues or family is in a vulnerable place they will be able to spot that and reach out to them. I also hope that if they see a distressed stranger, they will be sensitive to that and offer support.

The low score could also indicate an inability of some of us to acknowledge our own fragility.

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Day 741

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“If you believe you’re a citizen of the world,” said our dear Prime Minister on the 5th October at the Conservative party’s conference, “you’re a citizen of nowhere. You don’t understand what the very word ‘citizenship’ means.”

That statement is a huge disappointment. I don’t agree.

What does the word citizenship mean?

It is variously defined as the position or status of an individual viewed as a member of a society and their behaviour in terms of duties, obligations and rights of a citizen and a person recognised under the custom or law as being a legal member of a sovereign state.

 For me, citizenship is a sense of belonging. While I hold a British passport, I don’t feel that the first 3 decades of my life that I spent in India count for nothing. I may not officially be a ‘citizen’ of India but I have an affinity and love for that land which far outweighs any official document. When I visited Uganda a few years ago, I felt like I belonged there. I felt a strong connection with the people and the earth. It felt like home.

 People who see themselves as citizens of the world feel part of a rich boundless tapestry rather than an isolated, discreet nation or group. They know, deep down, that a smaller vision of citizenship creates “us” and “them”.

 Perhaps world citizenship is a stance against people like the PM who manipulate the “us” and “them” to demonise the enemy of the day and thereby justify heinous acts of brutality. The unfounded suspicion of the “other” justifies total lack of respect. The difference in appearance is made out to be sufficient ground for fear and disgust.

The world is smaller than ever before. We all belong to one large family. Borders are man-made. All we need is love and respect. We all suffer hunger and pain in the same way. Our loss and anger is the same. Our blood is red, irrespective of the country we belong to. Enough blood has already been shed in the name of pettiness of one kind or another. Let us not buy into this small mindedness. Let us be proud citizens of the world.