Day 690

“Everything starts and ends in your Brain-Soul connection.
How your brain and soul work together determines how happy you feel, how successful you become, and how well you connect with others. The brain-soul connection is vastly more powerful than your conscious will. Will power falters when the physical functioning of the brain and the health of your soul fail to support your desires, as seen by illogical behaviours like overeating, smoking, drug and alcohol abuse, and compulsive spending.

It is the aim of The Amen Clinics to provide instructional programs and materials, evaluations and medical treatment where necessary to help you to understand and direct your mind to enhance your relationships, your work, and your health!”

Dr Daniel Amen is a psychiatrist in America who is a strong proponent of SPECT (Single Photon Emission Computerised Tomography) imaging of the brain. It bothers him that psychiatrists are the only medical specialists that never look at the organ they treat. Cardiologists, orthopaedic surgeons, neurologists look, whereas psychiatrists guess. As a result of which diagnoses are still made in the same way they were in the 1840s, based on symptom clusters. It’s like shooting in the dark especially when most psychiatric medications come with black box warnings that they might make the situation worse.

Screen Shot 2016-09-05 at 13.06.53

Simply put, the images tell us 3 things about the brain – areas of good activity, too much and too little activity. In his TED talk he shows some very convincing pictures of brains ‘before’ and ‘after’ interventions. He also shows scans of 2 patients with clinical depression but very different scans, one showing gross under-activity and the other significant over-activity.

Screen Shot 2016-09-05 at 13.16.56

He expresses great concern about the homeless people, criminals and soldiers returning from war zones who are not getting appropriate care as no one is looking at their brains and tailoring the care of their mental state.

He claims to have helped many people over the years using this technology but his work has been much criticised, firstly for not having enough evidence in its favour and secondly for the potentially harmful effect of the radio-nucleotide dye that needs to be injected in every patient. He has also amassed a great amount of wealth doing this work that insurers will not pay for. This  fact further discredits him within the medical community.

Would I have paid 3500 dollars for Saagar’s first assessment and scans at one of ‘The Amen Clinics’? Probably not. But it would have been good to have a more scientific approach to the diagnosis and management of his illness. It was like throwing darts in the dark. 

 

 

Day 689

What does life want from me?
Now, after all this, what do I want from life?

When I was 20 something I thought that most 50 year olds had the answer to those questions. Ha! I look around and find many others my age in a similar place.

A journalist once asked Mahatma Gandhi what his message was and he replied, “My life is my message.”

I suppose life just wants us to live as joyfully and meaningfully as we can. At present it feels as though the orchestra is playing and the dance floor is ready and I am standing at the edge, listening but completely dumb-founded and frozen.

Is it my ‘ego’ that keeps me feeling this way or is it natural? Am I capable of turning this around? What does that even mean? What would that look like? I think I am doing my best but am I really? There is no yardstick. There are no comparisons. Whatever the question, the answer is love. Being with love, being in love and being love.

photo (6)

Day 688

imgres

The Guest House by Rumi

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honourably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Day 685

Screen Shot 2016-09-01 at 00.50.13

31st August: International Overdose Awareness day.

Same themes – difficulty in recognising early warning signs, misunderstood, stigmatised, discriminated against and mismanaged, tragedy, shame, guilt, heartbreak for families, not selective whether you are a 12 years old school kid or a high flying professional, the state and the medical profession not doing enough, parents doing all they can to raise awareness, reduce stigma and prevent further loss of lives despite themselves being utterly broken.

The day aims to not only raise awareness about drug overdoses, but to bring attention to addiction in general and attempt to change the way we view and handle drug abuse.

Story: http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/overdose-awareness-day-a-mothers-fight-to-fix-the-system-that-failed-her-son-20160829-gr3qht.html

Day 683

A few weeks ago we planned my birthday get-together for today as it was most convenient. The last day of a long weekend. My parents timed their visit to London from India so that they could be here on this occasion. Everything was organised even though I didn’t want to think about it. The guest list was final, I almost didn’t want this day to arrive. It is one thing keeping things ticking along, looking ‘normal’, it is quite another celebrating. It is hard to feign happiness. The contrast between the inner and the outer landscape is too stark. Tears came flooding in at the thought of getting ready for the ‘party’.

I remember 2 years ago Saagar wished me a Happy Birthday today, one day before my birthday believing it to be the day. His illness was just turning from hypomania into depression. His cognition was majorly affected. He was known not to be very good at remembering birthdays etc so I didn’t worry too much.

‘Brain fog’ is a common description of this aspect of depression – diminished ability to think or concentrate and indecisiveness.
“It’s brilliant. You get to take these tablets that keep you half asleep till lunchtime and make you fat. You can’t concentrate on anything and you don’t want to talk to anyone unless you get so angry you want to shout at them. I hide in my room so I don’t end up shouting at my mum. I don’t want to be with anyone but I hate being by myself. I hate staying at home but I can’t go outside. Seriously, it’s brilliant.” – Beth.

 “What would you like for your birthday?” I got asked.
‘No one can get me what I would like for my birthday.’

Despite that, it was a good day. The house felt like a happy place with all these loving and caring people in it – my parents, some of Saagar’s friends and some of ours and some both.

It feels unnatural to be celebrating but…

imgres