fear

Day 351

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A young man with floppy blonde hair sat next to me taking notes frantically. He had a massive folder on his desk. When I looked carefully at the writing on the spine of the folder, it read, “Master File Dr GP (Mr SN – Deceased)”

I sat in the courtroom looking at that label for a long time, thinking once again about the drama of life – a room full of people looking really solemn discussing the nitty-gritty of a young man having ended his life. For a while, I couldn’t hear any sounds but I could see lips moving and heads nodding. It was surreal. Once again I was looking in from the outside while sitting in the room. Was it me or was it him?

It was a gentle and compassionate process despite which the day felt very long and exhausting! A few glaring facts came into light – it was not clear to the GP that this patient had been discharged to him with the diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder. Apparently the discharge summary only made a passing remark on “Royal College of Physicians leaflet on Bipolar Affective disorder was given to the patient” without specifying Bipolar as the working diagnosis.

The presence of 3 lawyers in the room made the atmosphere quite tense and defensive but underneath that exterior, I could see the humanity and fragility of all concerned. At one level, I know that it is really important to examine each detail closely to stop this from happening again but at another I feel like there is no point. It’s too late for us anyway. Every new fact is painful. I know it’s selfish to think like that. But I am selfish. I would like something in return for going through all this pain but there is nothing at the end of it, if it ever ends.

It’s not over yet. Part 2 of the inquest will be in mid-november. Well. We are where we are.

Day 338

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“What makes cyber bullying so dangerous … is that anyone can practice it without having to confront the victim. You don’t have to be strong or fast, simply equipped with a cell phone or computer and a willingness to terrorize. (King, 2006)

Bullying creates memories that often last a lifetime. Simply hearing the name of a person who bullied them, even years or decades after the bullying occurred, may be enough to send shivers up the spines of many people.

When most adults think of bullying, they conjure up the image of a big thug who terrorized kids on the playground at school. The horrible encounters with this bully luckily came to an end as the victim left school and went home.

This is not the case with cyber bullying which, in the age of smartphones and social media, is relentless. It sometimes claims lives as the link below illustrates:

Here are some more facts:

  1. 4 in 10 kids have been bullied online, 1 in 4 has had it happen more than once.
  2. 70% of students report seeing frequent bullying online. Most teens use a cell phone regularly, making it the most common medium for cyber bullying.
  3. 7 in 10 teens agree that cyber bullying is a serious problem, while 8 in 10 think bullying online is easier to get away with than bullying in person.
  4. 90% of teens who have seen social-media bullying say they have ignored it. 84% have seen others tell cyber bullies to stop.
  5. Only 1 in 10 victims will inform a parent or trusted adult of their abuse.
  6. Girls are about twice as likely as boys to be victims and perpetrators of cyber bullying.
  7. Bullying victims are at least twice as likely to consider ending their lives.

Low self-esteem, suicidal ideation, anger, frustration, and a variety of other emotional and psychological problems result from this huge and relentless insult. The pity of it is that parents are often the last ones to find out as illustrated by these links:

https://www.dosomething.org/facts/11-facts-about-cyber-bullying
http://nobullying.com/facts-about-cyber-bullying/

Cyberbullying Facts

Such isolation and victimization in the midst of immense connectivity is a terrible tragedy.
Young people who want social change have set up this website  https://uk.dosomething.org/

Let’s all do something and not passively accept this as an unchangeable reality of the present times.

Day 330

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Advaita is the expression of the common philosophy that lies at the heart of many religions and philosophies. It means ‘one without a second’. Its most central tenet is that everyone and everything are in essence the expression of one consciousness, irrespective of geography, race, religion or creed. It can be found not only in the East, where it was first taught, but equally at the heart of many western philosophical and religious teachings. The Bible and the works of Plato both express this idea in many places. The works of Shakespeare, too, present aspects of Advaita with extraordinary beauty and clarity.

He is me and I am him.

Here is an excerpt from Thích Nhất Hạnh’s discourse:

I asked the leaf whether it was frightened because it was autumn and the other leaves were falling.

The leaf told me, “No. During the whole spring and summer I was completely alive. I worked hard to help nourish the tree, and now much of me is in the tree. I am not limited by this form. I am also the whole tree, and when I go back to the soil, I will continue to nourish the tree. So I don’t worry at all. As I leave this branch and float to the ground, I will wave to the tree and tell her, “I will see you again very soon.”

That day there was a wind blowing and, after a while, I saw the leaf leave the branch and float down to the soil, dancing joyfully, because as it floated it saw itself already there in the tree. It was so happy. I bowed my head, knowing that I have a lot to learn from the leaf.”

” … So please continue to look back and you will see that you have always been here. Let us look together and penetrate into the life of a leaf, so we may be one with the leaf. Let us penetrate and be one with the cloud or with the wave, to realize our own nature as water and be free from our fear. If we look very deeply, we will transcend birth and death.

Tomorrow, I will continue to be. But you will have to be very attentive to see me. I will be a flower, or a leaf. I will be in these forms and I will say hello to you. If you are attentive enough, you will recognize me, and you may greet me. I will be very happy.

Day 327

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Yes. It’s nice when people say nice things about us.

For a little while it makes us feel better about ourselves and by the same token other people’s negative remarks can ruin our day. But is it wise to actually be dependent on other’s praise to feel good? Does other people’s opinion really matter?

As I have become older, I have realized that it matters less and less. I have come to admire people who express their individuality irrespective of what others think. It takes courage to do that. It’s much easier to blend in. We all are unique whether we can show it or not. Each one perfectly imperfect.

I always try to remember that opinions are only opinions. They are not the ultimate truth. On top of that, we change our minds from one instance to another. I can remember times when I have thought of someone as completely nonsensical but on getting to know them better I am able to appreciate them for who they are. Hence it is not worth getting knotted up over what other people think of us.

It was difficult for my son to be one of the very few coloured children in his primary school. When he was 7 he once asked me if I could change his name to Aron. It made me smile. As he grew older he too came to be not just comfortable with, but proud of, his heritage.

“Of all the judgements and beliefs each one of us owns, none is more important than the ones we have about ourselves.”
-Wayne Dyer.

Day 313

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The 2004 tsunami happened when he was 10 years of age. The TV coverage of the devastation caused by it was not just exhaustive but incessantly repetitive. It was heart breaking to witness so much death and destruction on such a massive scale take place within a few minutes. While I silently prayed for the well-being of those affected, he declared, “If such horrible things can be allowed to happen, there must be no God. I don’t believe in God anymore.”

I think the intensity of our feelings wanes as we get older. We get a bit emotionally obtunded. It is no wonder that there is no love as wonderful as the ‘first love’. The expansive feeling associated with that ‘first love’ is impossible to replicate.

When I hear the news these days, there is hardly anything that brings an expansive feeling. On the contrary, most items cause me to despair over the state of affairs in our world –

endless war, crashing economies, irresponsible banking practices, inhuman beheadings, bombs indeterminately ending innocent lives, desperate migrants, violent killings, governments fighting over the issue of the migrants and other money matters, sexually inappropriate behavior by people in trustworthy positions, high levels of unemployment, celebrity sex scandals………. the list goes on. Most of the news reflects a complete lack of compassion in one form or another.

The majority of it is not worthy of being heard by children but I am sure they hear it, read it or see it not once but many times in a day. On the train to work I often see school kids flicking through the free “newspaper” made easily available to all on the London transport network. It is free for a reason – because we are better off without it given it is full of s***. It is the worst way to start the day for anyone. I can only think that the impact it has on the sensitive hearts and minds of kids is to prematurely end their innocence.