Mental Illness

Day 685

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31st August: International Overdose Awareness day.

Same themes – difficulty in recognising early warning signs, misunderstood, stigmatised, discriminated against and mismanaged, tragedy, shame, guilt, heartbreak for families, not selective whether you are a 12 years old school kid or a high flying professional, the state and the medical profession not doing enough, parents doing all they can to raise awareness, reduce stigma and prevent further loss of lives despite themselves being utterly broken.

The day aims to not only raise awareness about drug overdoses, but to bring attention to addiction in general and attempt to change the way we view and handle drug abuse.

Story: http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/overdose-awareness-day-a-mothers-fight-to-fix-the-system-that-failed-her-son-20160829-gr3qht.html

Day 684

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My dearest Saagar,

It’s my birthday today. It’s strange not to have you with me. Strange and painful. I miss you more today than other days if that’s possible.

This morning I visited your school and attended a talk by Dick Moore. It was intended for the teachers but I invited myself to it because I wanted to hear him speak. Some of your teachers were there. They came to me later on and spoke fondly of you, saying how unbelievable all of this was and how wonderful you were. I wholeheartedly agreed.

It broke my heart to be sitting in the very hall where we attended the parent-teacher meetings, the same hall where subsequently your memorial service was held and now this talk. It was an inspiring talk by another parent who had lost a son to suicide and learnt a lot and found the strength to share what he had learnt through this experience in a way that will benefit many hundreds of school children and staff.

At one point your beautiful picture was put up and it dominated the room and for a moment I couldn’t believe any of this was happening!

I had lunch at the same dining hall where you would have eaten every school day for 6 years. I sat on ‘your’ bench and watched the cricket nets where I had taken innumerable shots of your bowling over and over again. Only you knew the difference between one and the next. They all looked completely identical to me.

One of your friends came over and brought me a big bunch of sun-flowers and a very sweet hand-made card! I felt your energy in her smile and the big hug that she gave me. We went out for a Thai meal and I accidentally bit on a red chilly that absolutely burnt my mouth. In that moment I thought of you. Perhaps this was your naughtiness coming through. I am sure you were watching my streaming eyes from somewhere and having a good laugh. Can’t put it past you.

While I missed you terribly, the day was filled with you. Thank you my darling. I love you.

Yours,
Mamma.

Day 681

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About 5 months after Saagar’s passing, one of my close friends sent me a subtle message suggesting that I should be careful about what I write in my blog as a few of my work colleagues read it regularly and if I appear to be too fragile or vulnerable, it might have a negative impact on my professional life. I understood her concern. The medical profession is not known for its understanding and compassion for mental frailty in colleagues.

Dr Wendy Potts was a GP in Derbyshire who blogged about living with Bipolar Disorder on a regular basis. One of her patients read the blog and complained to her Practise. The doctor was suspended. A few weeks later she ended her own life.

Firstly, I don’t understand the basis of the complaint. Would patients complain if their GP had diabetes or cancer?

Secondly, I don’t understand the basis for suspension from work. If the doctor’s performance was not questionable, then there is no ground for that.

Ref : https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2016/aug/26/gp-found-dead-after-being-suspended-over-bipolar-disorder-blog?cmp=oth_b-aplnews_d-2

This is one of many examples of poor treatment of medical colleagues with mental health issues. I think we are a long way from seeing parity between physical and mental illnesses as the ones who are supposed to put that into practise are themselves caught in the stigma associated with mental illness.

(PS: apologies for not being able to insert the link to the article in a better way. The ‘link’ icon on my page doesn’t seem to work anymore. Any ideas? )

 

Day 678

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Depression is a disease not just of the brain but of the whole body. This revolutionary idea has been researched for more than 20 years and some definitive answers are starting to emerge.

Normally our immune system is our friend and protector. It recognizes foreign bugs and injury and mounts an inflammatory response in order to preserve us. However, sometimes it misreads signals and attacks it’s own tissues. In this case, the NMDA receptors which play a key role in brain function.

Prof Ed Bullmore, Head of Psychiatry at University of Cambridge says, “Depression and inflammation often go hand in hand, if you have flu, the immune system reacts to that, you become inflamed and very often people find that their mood changes too.”

There is now a fair body of evidence to suggest that depression is not just associated with inflammation but could be caused by it.

A senior Rheumatologist draws a parallel between a well-established auto-immune disease, Rheumatoid Arthritis and Depression. He comments, “We scanned the brains of people with rheumatoid arthritis, we then gave them a very specific immune targeted therapy and then we imaged them again afterwards. What we are starting to see when we give anti-inflammatory medicines is quite remarkable changes in the neuro-chemical circuitry in the brain. The brain pathways involved in mediating depression were favourably changed in people who were given immune interventions.”

This innovation could mean that some day soon we will be able to order a blood test to help with the diagnosis of depression and offer appropriate treatment. The use of the phrase ‘pull yourself together’ will not be used as often as it is today.

Ref: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-37166293

Day675

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It was on the 21st of August two years ago that Saagar was officially diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder by an Honorary Consultant Psychiatrist. He was the only one in the family who was informed of it. I wonder how it made him feel. I wonder if he felt weird, confused, traumatised or all of the above. I wonder if it made him question who he was and what this means in terms of his future. I wonder what it did to his self-esteem and confidence. I bet it was scary. I am sure he looked it up on the net. He handled it very well. He made no big deal of it. He took his medicines, did not drink or go out too much, he waited patiently for the medicines to work and they did. He got better for a bit but then…

In 8 weeks time he will be dead. I didn’t know it then. I know it now and it kills me.

I bring myself back to this moment over and over again. Right now, I am chopping tomatoes. Right now, I am walking up the stairs. At this moment I am writing this blog. Right now I am folding towels. Right this moment I am watching the flickering flame of the candle in front of his picture. At present I am sitting here loving him with all my heart. At this present moment I am feeling sad for all the suffering he endured and I am admiring his dignity, strength and courage.

Right now I can see that this present moment is inevitable. It is here in front of me and all I can do is honour it.