Day 274

Posted by kidsaregifts20

Where arranged marriages are customary, suicides grow more common. This article from the New York Times highlights the problem of young girls ending their lives in Iraq. This phenomenon is also seen in other countries such as India and Pakistan. It is not unusual for this issue to show up in these communities living outside their own countries. ‘Shame’, a book by Jasvinder Sanghera is the story of a young girl’s attempt to escape a cruel, claustrophobic world where family honour mattered more than anything – sometimes more than life itself. Jasvinder’s story is one of terrible oppression, a harrowing struggle against a punitive code of honour and finally, triumph over adversity. Luckily she is here to tell the tale. Many don’t get that far. She set up a charity called Karmanirvana to help people like herself.

Many suicides get labeled as having occurred due to sudden possession by the ‘devil’. The families are closely involved in these deaths for ‘keeping up the family honour’, hence ensuring that the kids do not marry outside of their caste or religion. Adultery, or suspected adultery, by a woman is considered a very valid reason for killing her in some communities.

When I was a junior doctor in the north of India, I looked after numerous cases of young married women being brought to the Emergency Department with severe life threatening burns, allegedly ‘accidental’. Unfortunately many of them did not survive. Those who did had long gruelling hospital stays with major deformities from the scarring. That was when the wave of ‘dowry deaths’ had started sweeping across the country. It was a shameful marriage of greed and politics which still persists.

It is beyond belief that families, especially parents can directly or indirectly cause the deaths of their children or children-in-law.

This is the world we live in.

Day 264

Posted by kidsaregifts20

“Youth who feel suicidal are not likely to seek help directly.”

This is clearly stated on the Suicide Prevention page of an American organisation called National Association of School Psychologists (NASP)

It also says: “Parent notification is a vital part of suicide prevention. Parents need to be informed and actively involved in decisions regarding their child’s welfare. Even if a child is judged to be at low risk for suicidal behavior, schools will ask parents to sign a Notification of Emergency Conference form to indicate that relevant information has been provided. Additionally, parents are crucial members of a suicide risk assessment as they often have information critical to making an appropriate assessment of risk, including mental health history, family dynamics, recent traumatic events, and previous suicidal behaviors.”

This document is written for students up to the age of 19. But it is equally applicable to older ‘children’.

One set of parents bereaved by suicide discovered after the death of their young son that he had spoken with most of his friends about his suicidal ideation. It is well known that the parents are the last to find out. They have now set up a foundation with this sole message to young people: “if your friends share suicidal thoughts with you, please tell someone older who is in a position to help. Anyone.”

This afternoon I spent a few hours with one of my son’s close friends from university. I was amazed at his level of empathy and maturity. He shared this website with me on which he is a Listener. It is called 7 Cups of Tea, an on-demand emotional health and well-being service. Their bridging technology anonymously & securely connects real people to real listeners in one-on-one chat. I was impressed by the range of topics, languages and countries it covers.

It sounds perfect for those of us who may not wish to speak to anyone in person.
It must be an impossible subject to talk about, but it is amazing how many people are willing to listen.