It’s like the calm after the storm. It was 10 weeks from his diagnosis to passing away – even before the implications of such a diagnosis had sunk in. It is 10 weeks now since he passed. I wake up in the morning and the first thought is ‘he is gone’, the first feeling is sadness, the first thing to do is lie in bed for a little bit longer. Even after all this time and ceremonies and crying, there is a part of me that is in a state of disbelief! I have not received any texts or e-mails from him and still it feels unreal. That could be because it is true. At some level I know that the spirit can never be extinguished. The ‘Bhagwad Geeta’, one of the most extraordinary scriptures on the philosophy of life says that the body is just a garment that the soul puts on. The soul has no birth or death.
When i sit with my eyes closed, I can feel his beautiful energy – sweetly trying to encourage me to move from PC to Apple, to go to the gym regularly, to eat well and rest well. When I open my eyes I can feel his presence. He is my guardian angel. The desire to have him with me physically is the cause of my misery. I need to give up that desire and expand my consciousness and know that he exists.
The visits to the gym are leaving various parts of my body in varying degrees of soreness. But I am diligently going every other day. The only way forward is to work through the pain.