Day 111

Rummaging through an old storage cabinet with me, looking for a particular piece of clothing, a very dear and close relative came across her wedding sari this morning and requested in passing, ”Wrap me up in this when I go.”

Oh my God! It was like being hit by an enormous and powerful wave. For a few seconds I could not catch my breath and felt like I was about to drown. Before I knew it I was breaking down into a heap of anguish, unconsolably back to square one! She suddenly realised this was happening and apologised profusely even though it wasn’t her fault. She was only conveying her wish to me. We hugged for a long time.

Thankfully, not before long I was back to ‘normal’. Once it was done, it was done. I left it there and proceeded to have a very relaxed day.

On the recommendation of one of my blogger friends I bought a book called ‘Night Falls Fast’ by Kay Redfield Jamison. It is an authoritative study of suicide. I read the last chapter first as it was for ‘those left behind’ and it was a relief. It validated everything I have thought and felt. It answered some of my questions too. Thank you my friend!!!

……Time does not heal,
It makes a half-stitched scar
That can be broken
And again you feel grief,
As total as in it’s first hour.

-Elizabeth Jennings.

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