“At first I thought it was a bit strange that you would be willing to share your innermost feelings on a public platform”, confessed a very dear friend. I am so glad she did. It made me think about why I started writing this blog and continue to do so.
Well. I really don’t know as when I made this decision I was out of my mind. My guess is that it started as a replacement point of focus for my days. After more than 20 years of having a focus, I couldn’t cope with not having one. With its help, if I could, I would not allow another suicide to take place.
It is therapeutic and cathartic. Sometimes it is a vent for my anger, other times it is a gratitude journal or a piece of information. Always, a friend.
My hope is to change the world for the better, learn as much as I can and share whatever I learn.
Many lovely people have come my way through writing this and I have learnt so much from them about being human in general and dealing with mental illness in particular.
So, what stops us from sharing our feelings? Why is it so hard? I am sure how I feel is not terribly unique. Anyone in my position would have similar feelings. There is nothing to loose or gain. I feel alright about sharing my humanness. We are all vulnerable and fragile in one way or another. Nature intended it to be that way. There is no shame in acknowledging that to others and myself. It is nothing to be ashamed of. It makes me who I am. It is ok.
kidsaregifts 
I admire you a lot for doing it – you do help others, you will help more. But I admire you more for sticking with it and doing it every day. Personally, on really important matters like grief, I learn far more from reading about experiences than I ever do from advice or how-to etc. I think that being permitted to read your stuff = sharing your journey vicariously; it’s humbling and it passes on the wisdom you’re gaining from it. When you write about bad days, it allows me to give you virtual hugs and support. And you do that for me on my blog too.
I’ve read a LOT by survivors of suicide, especially those where the loved and lost person was bipolar. I always wonder whether people like you get triggered by people like me when we right about our own demons and suicidality. And I wonder, if reading it hurts, whether it’s worth it, whether the insight is helpful and whether the love and support you give someone like me depletes you and/or helps you somehow. I know for sure that it helps me a ton. Your words always touch me.
Love and respect and a large hug for you.
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Dear friend,
Your writing is authentic, powerful and very informative. I am always struck by your intelligence. It gives me an insight into your daily struggles which seem tremendously difficult and often unsurmountable. That you can share so openly and clearly, is commendable. The insights help me understand the state of mind my son must have had to deal with and how tough that must have been for him. They fill me with admiration for him and for you and for everyone with mental illness who can find ways to get from one day to the next, share and ask for help. I miss my son so much! It really helps to be able to extend help and support. Now my energy level is quite low anyway. So, I don’t feel depleted by anything as I feel that I have lost everything already. Now all I need to do is help the situation in whatever way I can. Lots of love and a big hug to you. xxx
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I’m so glad you admire your son – that’s a beautiful and very meaningful thing to say; it brought a tear to my eye.
Thank you very much for the compliments; I think we have ourselves a little mutual admiration society here 🙂
I get that you have nothing left to be depleted, but in my misbegotten experience, one can somehow become raw and emptier anyway. And watch out for compassion fatigue too. You’re advocating powerfully for me and all of us, so we have a vested interest in keeping you safe.
XXX
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Will do. xxx
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This was beautiful to read:
“Many lovely people have come my way through writing this and I have learnt so much from them about being human in general and dealing with mental illness in particular.”
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