Day 398

I don’t know what to do.
A question that sometimes drives me hazy.
Am I or all the others crazy?

I think I know myself. Rather, knew myself.

But when I heard someone speak these words on TV,
I thought they were just for me –

“You’re bananas.
Barking, barking mad.
Bonkers, crackers, crackpot.
Crazy, crazed.
Delirious, demented, deranged.
Destructed, destroyed, doolally.
Frantic, cuckoo, non compos mentis.
You’ve lost your marbles.
You’re not right in the head.
Not a full shilling. Na.
You are off your rocker.
Uncertain of mind.
Unhinged, unstable, unglued.
Flipped out, moonstruck, insane.
That’s you.”

This is me. For sure.
This is my precious little secret.
I deceive everyone everyday.
My son must have thought the same.
I feel so close to him when I feel this way.

I will find a way through my insanity.
Find the order in my chaos.
Otherwise how will I ever find him?

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