Day 782

For a long time I didn’t understand why Saagar couldn’t speak to me about his suicidal thoughts. I felt terrible about myself – untrustworthy. In short, Bad Mum. I thought we were close. When he took his own life, I felt betrayed and shunned like an outsider. He must have known that I cared for him deeply even if I didn’t always know how to show it. I am sure he felt the vastness of our love as much as I did. It glued us together and carried us as one through thick and thin. It was the most solid part of my life, unwavering, undying and unfaltering.

What stopped him? Why couldn’t he? In the early months it nearly killed me, the utter and complete sense of failure as a parent. How alone must he have felt! Was he embarrassed? Ashamed? Confused? Did he feel trapped? Why couldn’t I see it? Was it out of concern for me that he didn’t share? Did he know that I would probably freak out if he did? Could he feel my pain as I watched him suffer? Could he see how lost and powerless I felt? Was his silence his way of being kind to me? Did he really believe that I would be better off without him? Did he even know the meaning of what he was doing?

All these unanswerable haunting questions coming back uninvited! But now, I can understand. 

ps: If you are concerned about anyone close to you, please call PAPYRUS for help and advice. I wish I knew of them when Saagar was ill. (https://www.papyrus-uk.org/)

Ref: http://www.speakingofsuicide.com/2013/05/29/parents-and-teens/

 

 

Day 781

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She is a Professor of Psychiatry at the Johns Hopkins University. She is an international authority on Manic-depressive illness. She writes about her own struggles with the illness since her adolescence. She recounts the slow and painful mastering of her illness through knowledge, courage, medication, self-discipline and the power of love. Her work has helped save countless lives. An excerpt:

“At this point in my existence, I cannot imagine leading a normal life without both taking lithium and having had benefit of psychotherapy. Lithium prevents my seductive but disastrous highs, diminishes my depressions, clears out the wool and webbing from my disordered thinking, slows me down, gentles me out, keeps me from running my career and relationships, keeps me out of a hospital, alive, and makes psychotherapy possible.

But ineffably, psychotherapy heals. It makes some sense of the confusion, reigns in the terrifying thoughts and feelings, returns some control and hope and possibility of learning from it all. Pills cannot, do not, ease one back into reality; they only bring one back headlong, careening and faster than can be endured at times. Psychotherapy is a sanctuary; it is a battleground; it is a place I have been psychotic, neurotic, elated, confused and despairing beyond belief. But always, it is where I have believed-or have learned to believe-that I might someday be able to contend with all of this.

No pill can help me deal with the problem of not wanting to take pills; likewise, no amount of psychotherapy alone can prevent my manias and depressions. I need both. It is an odd thing, owing life to pills, one’s own quirks and tenacities, and this unique, strange and ultimately profound relationship called psychotherapy.”

  • from ‘An Unquiet Mind’ by Kay Redfield Jamison.

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Day 780

Money alone will not solve the problems within Mental Health Care Systems. We need a radical shift in the understanding, training, outlook and organisation of our society as a whole, each individual and  every health service and professional. Paul Kirby writes about this comprehensively and optimistically. He points out failings and offers transformational solutions. Here are some excerpts:

“The medicalisation of mental health assumes that doctors can solve medical problems on their own, in the way that they do for physical illness with biomedical testing, drugs and surgery. That is rarely true in mental health where getting better relies significantly on the patient’s own therapeutic actions and their interaction with their friends, family and colleagues. Outpatient psychiatric care rarely works with the other people in the patient’s life, dealing with the patient one-to-one. Worse still, medical ethics prevent doctors discussing their adult patients, even vulnerable eighteen year olds, with their family and friends.

England, like other countries, has only ten per cent of the inpatient places, per head of population, that it had in the 1950s. The US has even less. It wasn’t just the asylums closing. England has halved the number of inpatient places it still had in 1998. Community-based crisis services have not worked well. Only fourteen per cent of English patients who’ve experienced a mental health crisis felt they had appropriate care and there are no English community services rated as good. In the absence of appropriate inpatient care, people who are severely ill are labelled, and dealt with, as non-medical problems, as criminals, as homeless, as addicts, as a public nuisance and as suicides.”

Doctors tell people that anti-depressants have a positive effect on half of the people who take them. That is true, but misleading. Even drug companies only claim that their drugs have a positive impact on one in eight people who take them. Drug companies are also clear that the beneficial effects of the drugs take two to six months to kick-in. Without medication, a third of people with depression are better after three months and two-thirds are better after six months. For the people who do benefit, these drugs are probably best compared to a band-aid, increasing the natural healing process a little.

A minority appear to be greatly harmed by taking anti-depressants, with a doubling of the suicide rate for people with depression and the triggering of psychosis in significant numbers of people. But the biggest harm of the anti-depressant accident is that their domination of psychiatric care has crowded out better and more varied solutions to common disorders and left millions unable to get well again.

Mental illness and poor health are often based on underlying feelings that one has lost autonomy and/or community-connectedness, experienced as helplessness, hopelessness, passivity, boredom, fear, isolation and dehumanisation. These are social problems that have medical consequences. The best solutions are, often, therefore social rather than medical. In terms of physical health, many of the biggest achievements have come from non-medical solutions. We live longer and better in large part due to clean air, safe water, better vehicle and workplace safety, less tobacco smoking, more and better food, fluoridated water. We need a similar public health approach for the social causes of mental health issues.”

Ref: https://paulkirby.net/

Day 779

Psilocybin is the active hallucinogenic compound in ‘magic mushrooms’. It was banned in the 1960s but recent preliminary research has shown that it may have potentially beneficial effects in patients with anxiety and depression. The subjects for this research were cancer patients, 40-50% of whom will have a diagnosis of anxiety and/or depression.

A team at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore conducted studies where patients were randomly administered the drug or a placebo. They were then encouraged to focus on their internal experience. Those who received Psilocybin had a significant improvement in depression, anxiety and mood disturbances. They also showed a higher level of optimism, a better quality of life and acceptance of death.

The main feature of the experience was a feeling that everything is connected. People felt they’ve learnt something that is of deep meaning. It caused a change in their value systems, in how they approach life and interact with other people. Some patients described the experience as a spiritual awakening.

The single feeling of connectedness with everything is the key to well-being. Many spiritual practices aim to manifest this feeling of oneness with all creation. My beloved spiritual leader Sri Sri Ravi Shankar says, ‘From somebody become nobody and from nobody become everybody.’

Ref:https://www.drugs.com/news/magic-mushroom-compound-triggered-positive-personality-change-study-33958.html (ps: This study is far from conclusive and does not wish to encourage the use of hallucinogens. )

Day 778

Bereavement by suicide is a risk factor for suicide.

A study published in The British Journal of General Practise in August 2016 found that among GPs there is a low level of confidence in dealing with suicide and an unpreparedness to face parents bereaved by suicide. Some GPs described guilt surrounding the suicide and a reluctance to initiate contact with the bereaved parents. They talked of their duty to care for the bereaved patients but admitted difficulties in knowing what to do, particularly in the perceived absence of other services. They also reflected on the impact of the suicide on themselves and described a lack of support or supervision.

2 weeks after Saagar’s death I went to see our GP. I just wanted to see him as there had been no communication between us since Saagar’s last consultation, which was 2 days before his death. He asked me if I was sleeping well. Through a non-stop stream of tears I said I wasn’t. He gave me a prescription for sleeping tablets to last me 3 months. Just perfect for someone who was para-suicidal. Time up. Consultation over.

A few weeks hence I consulted a homeopath. She asked me how I felt. She listened. She created a safe space for me to share from the heart. She wanted to know how I was coping and what support systems I had in place. She acknowledged my tears. She held me like a baby. She taught me techniques that would help me release anger out of my system. At the very end she gave me some medicines for healing. She knew exactly what needed to be done. Having time with her was a blessing.

This is how Wikipedia defines ‘Alternative medicine’: practices claimed to have the healing effects of medicine but are disproven, unproven, impossible to prove, or only harmful.

Lately, there is a trend towards slating alternative medicine as quackery. This is worrying as it assumes superiority of Allopathy over all other disciplines for every possible condition. However, this is not the case. The pharmaceutical industry has something to do with this propaganda just as the automobile industry had a huge influence on cutting back train services in the UK. As far as evidence is concerned, Randomised Controlled Trials are often not do-able or appropriate for many medical interventions within Allopathy.

Holistic care is only possible if we acknowledge the strengths and weaknesses of different disciplines and use them in conjunction with each other.

Ref: http://bjgp.org/content/early/2016/08/15/bjgp16X686605