Day 558

For Si

You and I
It’s funny we’re together
Certainly not birds of a feather.

When I met you I knew
that my life would begin, anew.
Though there were tests – one or two
We did manage to come through.
Now I know this to be true
That I am here because of you.

There are no words I can say
To tell you how much it means to see you everyday.
To know that you are with me
Makes me as strong as I can be.
To know, you understand
when I loose it, rave and rant.

Your orangutan arms,
Your wit and charm,
Have me galavanting with you
From the temples of Angkor-wat to Timbaktoo.

Your enthusiasm in infectious.
Your food divine,
Your heart is warm and you are kind.

I am honoured that it’s with me you want to be
And would like to share
the sun, moon and stars,
Chocolates, quinoa and pears.

I am grateful to the Universe for having sent you my way.
And my darling, on this special day,
I wish you a super-fantabulous Birthday.

Day 550

Posted by kidsaregifts20

Being back home, in India is comforting and unsettling at the same time. Whilst there is a deep connection between my motherland and I, there is also a great degree of alienation. I sometimes feel like a foreigner in my own country of birth even though all my family lives here.

This evening Si and I attended a wedding with my parents in their neighbourhood. I sensed their awkwardness about introducing us to their community, given that we are a couple but are not married to each other. So we decided that if we are asked directly about our relationship, we would say we are just ‘friends’ knowing full well that we wouldn’t be fooling anyone.

It turned out that we weren’t very good at keeping up any pretences. The first person who met us had been speaking with us for just a few minutes when my father stepped into our group and this gentleman immediately said to him, “I was saying to your daughter and son-in-law….”

At the buffet dinner, I wanted to bring Si’s attention to a particular dish and I sort of called out to him half way across the hall, ”Darling….”. He came up to me and said, “Sweetheart, you ought to be more careful.” We both stopped, looked at each other and burst out laughing.

Saagar must be in fits of giggles.

This reminds of a hindi quote which translates as – Love like fragrance can never be hidden.

Day 546

Posted by kidsaregifts20

Today was a Thursday in the middle of this month. On another Thursday in the middle of October, a year and a half ago, Saagar said he ‘can’t take this anymore.’

Today we held a vigil at Hyde Park in the memory of Saagar and others like him – those who wouldn’t believe how precious they are and those who lost all hope. It was the second one of its kind. Not all of us knew each other but in a strange way we did. We all came with pictures of our loved ones and placed them in the centre of a circle we formed around them. We lit candles in their memory. We thought of them with love as the sun went into hiding.

The wind blew at 10 miles an hour as predicted by the weatherman. Some candles stay lit and others were blown out by it. I caught myself saying, ”We’ll keep them going for as long as we can.” Symbolic? A little later, someone said “ It’s not always the wind, some lamps stop burning because the oil in them is finished.” How true.

The silence we shared was most profound. Tears fell. Lots of them. Some silently. Some mini-storms.

Saagar’s friends were there – 8 of them. His best friend, H announced that he had never sung in public before but Saagar always encouraged him to. So, this was his first time, singing and strumming his guitar in front of a gathering of people. He sang soulfully. The music was once again, connecting us all with each other and with nature. It allowed the feelings to flow. “Tears in heaven” and “Wish you were here” were super hits.

There were a lot of hugs. Every time his friends and I hugged, I felt his presence. They hugged me and the part of me that is him. I hugged them and the part of them that is him. Some of the pain eased. We found some healing.

Day 543

Posted by kidsaregifts20

In 2009 Thomas Joiner proposed the Interpersonal-Psychological (I-P) theory of suicidal behaviour.

Author of over 385 peer reviewed journals, Thomas Joiner has worked extensively in the field of psychology, neurobiology and suicidal behaviour.
As per the I-P theory, an individual will not die by suicide unless s/he has both, the desire and the ability to do so.
Who desires suicide?
There are 2 specific psychological states in their minds simultaneously:

Perceived burdensomeness
Low belongingness/social alienation.

Perceived burdensomeness:

“My death will be worth more than my life to family, friends, society, etc.” – a view that often represents a potentially fatal misperception. Studies have shown that this is a robust predictor of suicide attempt status and of current suicidal ideation, even controlling for powerful suicide-related covariates like hopelessness.

Low belongingness:

Not feeling like an integral part of a family, circle of friends, or other valued group. As with the research base on perceived burdensomeness, there is abundant evidence that this factor is implicated in suicidal behaviour. A study by Joiner in 2008 showed that college students’ suicidal ideation peaked in the summer semester when the campus is less active. This accounted, in part, for the association between semester and suicidality.

How does one overcome the powerful instinct for self-preservation?

By developing a fearlessness of pain, which is acquired through a process of repeatedly experiencing painful events such as previous self-injury, repeated accidental injuries, numerous physical fights and occupations like physician and front-line soldier in which exposure to pain and injury, either directly or vicariously, is common.

The Interpersonal-Psychological theory is a promising one with growing evidence base. It suggests that clinicians be cognizant of their patients’ levels of belongingness, burdensomeness, and acquired capability (especially previous suicide attempts), as this knowledge may aid clinicians in the task of suicide risk assessment and of targeting ttreatments.

Day 538

Posted by kidsaregifts20

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In my job I have the privilege of looking after some octagenarians and nonagenerians. They are my favourites. They seem to understand the meaning of hardship and are most grateful for the time and services they receive. I find the majority of them very gracious.

While browsing through a magazine I came across an article on Diana Armfield, an artist. She is 95 years old and I read with interest the lessons she has learnt from her rich and accomplished life.

Here I quote a few of them that resonated with me:

Money isn’t as important as you think. Try to have enough but don’t set out to have lots because there is just no need. Enough is ‘enough’.
Look after yourself. It’s important whatever your age. I do the exercises I am told to but it’s not easy – it’s so boring!
Don’t question happiness when you find it. Pursue the things that interest you and take time to get to know yourself.
Not everything needs to be ‘perfect’ in life. Anxiety has been a big problem for me. I’ve always panicked that unless I put 110% into things, they won’t work out. I used to worry constantly about ‘getting it right’ and it’s only now that I’m older I’ve realized things naturally tend to work out for the best. If you’re a worrier like me, it’s imperative to communicate your anxieties to your friends and family – they can almost always help.
Make the most of everyday. Growing old is annoying because you need to ‘rest’ throughout the day. It means the day isn’t long enough to do all you want to do – so make the most of the uninterrupted days of youth while you can.

Now I think I need to get some ‘rest’. 😉