Last 18 weeks have been spent travelling through various landscapes, weather conditions and states of mind. Gazing out of the window for hours at breathtaking scenery that changes and shifts against the gentle rocking motion of the train is hypnotizing. This dreamlike state gives rise to effortless introspection and you can “if you travel far enough, meet yourself” according to David Mitchell in Cloud Atlas. It has given me new eyes with which to look at my inner and outer world.

I cherish the freedom of anonymity in travel. Sometimes it has felt like running away even though I cannot run away from myself. Wherever I go, my mind comes with me. I have become more aware of it now.

The momentum is dropping and things are slowly gravitating back to base. Having had a nomadic existence most of my life I wonder where home is. Is it a place or a person or a group of people? For me, it was my parent’s home, then it was in Belfast and then London. But now it is everywhere and nowhere. I will learn to live all over again wherever I choose to reside – even the house I once called home. It will be interesting to create a new ‘normal’.

In the end, of all the things in the world, only love is real.

When he was four, my mum and I dressed him up as baby Krishna for a fancy dress party. He completely looked the part with his twinkling, laughing, naughty eyes and the most charming smile. Decorative head gear with a peacock feather, a flute in his hands and trinkets of pearl and gold completed the picture. He was adorable.

Of the 33 million gods in Hindu mythology Lord Krishna is my favourite. He is fun loving and highly learned at the same time. He loves music and dance. Through his teachings he empowers everyone to walk the correct path. He is kind and generous towards the needy and is always available to those who call out to him with love.

This morning as I woke up, thoughts of my son came flooding into my mind as usual. At the same time I thought of Krishna and my son’s union with him. It is believed that after leaving the physical body the soul merges with the Supreme, of which Krishna is one manifestation.

So far I have been struggling to get my head around everything that has happened and nothing I tell myself is more than a mere consolation or explanation. The above thought made me smile. I felt happy and grateful. I prayed for peace for him and for all humanity.

Today was a good day. Small steps. 🙂

“So, how do you envision your life from here on?” asked a concerned friend. I said I would like to do whatever I can to prevent suicides from happening. He thought that was marvelous but went on to add that I must put that second on the list. The first thing I must do is to find a way to be happy again. He said I would be more effective that way, in the community and amongst friends. No one wants to be around sad people, especially when they are trying to talk to others about how best to handle their depression.

I agree. Only if I have peace inside of me can I hope to give it to those around me. The same goes for love and joy. How can I share something that I don’t have?

Happiness lives within me I know, but seems inaccessible a lot of the times. To put my own happiness as my very first priority seems quite unnatural but I see his point. By sheer co-incidence, one of my favourite virtual friends shared the story of a mother, Rhonda Elkins, who lost her 23 years old daughter, a bright young medical student, to suicide in April 2013. The mum became a strong advocate for suicide prevention but unfortunately ended her own life 16 months later. What a terrible tragedy! Rest in peace Mum and baby.

Here is a link to Rhonda’s interview on CNN:

http://ireport.cnn.com/docs/DOC-1130341

Point taken. My own happiness goes first on the list. Thank you everyone.

She is 15 years old. She attends an all girls private school in London. She had a severe bout and a relapse of an eating disorder in the recent past. Her father is now unwilling to send his younger daughter to that school because in addition to eating disorders a number of other mental illnesses seem to be rife there.

As per this article from The Guardian a year ago, the incidence of eating disorders had gone up by 8% in the preceding year.

At present about 1.6 million people in the UK suffer with eating disorders of which 89% are females.

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/feb/24/forget-cause-of-eating-disorders-promote-good-mental-health

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2014/jan/30/rise-hospital-admissions-young-people-eating-disorders

Adding to the problem are ‘pro-ana’ sites that are very influential in supporting the abnormal eating patterns in young people. They advocate diets of just 400-500 calories per day and champion “thinspiration”. Images of celebrities such as Victoria Beckham and Keira Knightley are used to idealise a certain look. We only have to look at any average celebrity or women’s magazine to know the degree of obsession with body image we have as a society.

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/11/29/pro-anorexia-websites-young-girls-eating-disorder_n_2209959.html

As parents what do we want for our kids? To be happy, confident, content, fulfilled, sociable, healthy, loving and kind.

What do schools teach them? To ‘achieve’, ‘conform’ and ‘succeed’.

Well-being should be taught at schools. Prevention of mental illness should have a place in the school curriculum. The prevalence of mental illness (especially depression) in young people is shockingly high world-wide – 10 times more than it was 50 years ago. Average age of onset then was around the age of 30 years and now it is below 15 years of age. It is shocking to see how big the problem is and how much of it is unrecognised and untreated.

We need to face the fact that something that we are doing as a society, as parents and as educators is making our children ill.