Day 738

It’s Halloween or All Hallow’s Eve, a feast of all saints and all souls.
This morning ‘Thought for the day’ on Radio 4 was delivered by Professor Tina Beattie :
“ ‘Death,’ said Hamlet, ‘is an undiscovered country from whose bourn no traveller returns.’ These holy days seek to bridge the abyss between the live and the dead. Through rituals and imagination they are intended to assure us that those who have died are not beyond our companionship and our prayers.

No tradition can survive unless it is relevant to people’s everyday messy lives and gives meaning to their deepest struggles, sorrows and hopes. Death is the most sorrowful and messy reality of all. It’s a universal truth and the most impenetrable of mysteries.

As a culture we have been alienated from the power of hope to reconcile us to the helplessness and despair we feel when confronted by death. This feast brings us into communion with the dead, not to frighten us but to console. These feasts are an invitation to see what it means to be mortal and to seek reassurance that terrifying though death is, it is not the end. Love is more powerful than death and life, not death, will have the last word.”

2 meetings around Saagar today : one about the future and one about the past. Both called for reliving, retelling, revisiting the circumstances of his tragic death. It was too much! Lesson : plan only one meeting a day. Be kind to yourself.
That I survived the day is proof that love is more powerful than death and life, not death, will have the last word.

Day 737

There is scientific evidence to support that a particular intervention benefits the following conditions:

  • Lung function in asthma
  • Disease severity in rheumatoid arthritis
  • Pain and physical health in cancer
  • Immune response in HIV infection
  • Hospitalisations for cystic fibrosis
  • Pain intensity in women with chronic pelvic pain
  • Sleep-onset latency in poor sleepers
  • Post-operative course

That particular intervention is – Expressive writing.

The body of literature that demonstrates beneficial effects of expressive writing has been growing over the past 30 years. One of the earliest studies conducted by Pennebaker and Beall in 1986 compared 2 groups of students. Both groups were asked to write for 15 minutes on 4 consecutive days. One group put down their thoughts and feelings about the most traumatic or upsetting event of their life while the other wrote about something trivial, like their shoes or room. The first group self reported fewer visits to the Health Centre and fewer days off due to illness for up to 6 months after the writing exercise, as compared to the second group.

Meta-analyses show that while the improvement in physical health is clear, the results for psychological health are mixed. For a small group of trauma survivors, writing was even found to be detrimental. Although further research is required to clarify populations for whom writing is clearly effective, there is sufficient evidence for clinicians to use expressive writing in therapeutic settings with caution. Indeed, some experts noted that a drug intervention reporting medium effect sizes similar to those found for expressive writing would be regarded as a major medical advance.

(Source: http://apt.rcpsych.org/content/11/5/338 ; http://healthland.time.com/2013/07/13/how-writing-heals-wounds-of-both-the-mind-and-body/)

For me, writing is life-saving. It gives me a reason to get through the day. It gives my days a focal point inseparable from my love for Saagar. It gives me the strength to carry on. It is the thread that connects so many of us in a beautiful mesh. It helps me discover the joy of writing and the pain of expressing true emotion. It forces me to confront reality, however horrible. It gives me a sense of control over my life, however false. It is my daily meditation, my refuge, my ritual, my learning. I write to heal. I write to write.

Thank you for entertaining the ramblings of an old woman.

Day 736

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Happy Diwali!
Time to create, invite and celebrate light.

On this auspicious day we lit seven oil lamps, one for each continent, for peace for all people all over the world.

“Loka Samasta Sukhino Bhavantu”

“May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may the thoughts, words, and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all”

This beautiful mantra reminds us that we are not separate and independent beings. We are inter-connected with all living beings in the universe. We cannot achieve true happiness if we cause unhappiness to others, nor can we be free if we deprive others of their freedom.

It is possible that earth is the only unique planet with ‘intelligent’ life on it, in many galaxies. Yet we have managed to sap this gorgeous globe into material and moral poverty. We are at the brink of World War 3 with a real threat of another nuclear explosion in the near future. Despite enough resources, our greed kills many of hunger, violence and deprivation. Instead of breaking down barriers we create new dividing walls everyday.

This mantra of non-violence is also for all world leaders.

Loka Samasta Sukhino Bhavantu!

Day 734

2 months ago I made a presentation entitled ‘Understanding Resilience’ to a group of roughly 30 people in their twenties. It was well received and the feedback was encouraging. Here is the quantitative analysis, marked out of 5.

Content:  4.39

Presentation: 4.38

Relevence to me:  4.13

Overall:  4.38

It was interesting to see that the lowest score was to do with relevance. It means that while most of them liked the content and had an overall good impression of it, many of them thought it didn’t apply to them.

Perhaps it reflects the fact that at present they feel strong. Great! Long may it stay that way! If I had attended a presentation like that a few years ago, I would have thought the same. But I do hope that if any of their friends, colleagues or family is in a vulnerable place they will be able to spot that and reach out to them. I also hope that if they see a distressed stranger, they will be sensitive to that and offer support.

The low score could also indicate an inability of some of us to acknowledge our own fragility.

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Day 742

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Sad times are sad.
Happy times are sad.
Mundane times are sad.

Wish he was here to enjoy the renovations and the light that they allow in.
Wish he could rest on the new brown sofa.
Wish he could gaze through the big windows.
Wish he could come on holidays with us.
Wish he could help water the plants and mow the lawn.
Wish he could sometimes put the bin out on Mondays.

Wish he would do his Vietnamese accent for me and have me in splits! 
He would’ve loved the ‘contactless’ use of plastic cards.
Wish he could feel Milkshake’s incredible fur.
Wish he could meet some of our new friends and we his.
Wish he could finally agree with me about Jeremy Clarkson being an absolute plonker.
Wish he could have the satisfaction of knowing that he finally managed to teach me how to use dried oregano.
Wish he could open the marmalade jar for me when I can’t.
Wish he could rescue me from my computer problems.
Wish we could watch something silly on TV together.
Wish he would ask me for a lift to the gym.
Wish we could cook hot chicken curry for our friends.
Wish we could sit and talk. Then go for a walk.
Wish he would sometimes make tea for me when I got home.
Then play me a new beat on his drums.

Wish he knew how much he is missed, loved and cherished.
Wish he would appear out of nowhere, just like he disappeared into it.