Day 708

suicide_homicide_warA survey of 500 people revealed that a third of people didn’t feel comfortable at all talking to someone at work about mental health related issues and only 15% have had a colleague speak to them about their mental health.

The survey also uncovered an interesting trend: nearly a third of all male respondents have never had a friend, family member or colleague speak to them about their mental health. Worryingly, this statistic rises to 42% for males aged 45 and over and increases yet again to 60% for males aged 54 and over.

( Source:  www.team24.co.uk/suicide-prevention-day )

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“I would say that the vast majority of people who die by suicide, don’t necessarily want to be dead—they want to end their suffering and don’t know what else to do. We know from our clinical treatment research that suicidal suffering can be effectively treated. There is hope; suicidal states can be effectively treated and people can and do recover from suicidal suffering.”

David A. Jobes, Ph.D., ABPP. Professor of Psychology. Author of Managing Suicidal Risk

Prevention starts with a conversation.

Let’s start the conversation.

Day 705

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Sometimes the strangest events stick in one’s memory. One such moment is the one when I fell in love with Brad Pitt. The one and only Miss Oprah Winfrey interviewed him on her show and asked him,
“What is your favourite age or time in your life?”
“Right now” said he.
(Ref : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1lfPp-ZgDg)

Mrs Smith files for divorce.
6 children, the true victims.
Being born into show biz is risky enough.
A custody battle on top!

Children brought up by single parents and in step families are three times more likely to suffer from mental health problems according to the Millenium Cohort Study, one of the largest longitudinal studies carried out on more than 10,000 kids in the UK. It collected and analysed information on various aspects of lives of children such as schooling, housing, parental marital status, employment and education.

(Source: http://www.cls.ioe.ac.uk/page.aspx?&sitesectionid=1330&sitesectiontitle=MCS+age+11+initial+findings)

It found that those brought up by both natural parents are far less likely to suffer severe emotional and behavioural problems. Experts said the findings added to “a mountain of evidence” about the damage caused to kids by the stress of family breakdowns.

Overall, 6.6 per cent of children living with both natural parents were found to have severe mental health problems, compared with 15 per cent of those living with single parents and 18 per cent of those living in step-families. Higher levels of mental health problems were found among boys, who were more likely than girls to suffer from conduct problems, hyperactivity and inattention.

Good luck dear Smith-lets! Look after each other. xxx

Day 702

In one month it will be 2 years since Saagar’s time on this planet came to an end. I don’t want that date to arrive. I am absolutely dreading it. I remember when Saagar was coming close to finishing school, the thought of him going off to university made me feel terribly sad, almost panicked, knowing it was bound to happen. It’s the same feeling, only different. Another year! Another slot of time. A longer gap between him and me, more distance between the time when he lived and now. More fade. More erosion.

This evening we attended a unique black-tie event – a dinner/dance to honour and celebrate Ruth’s life. She was only 44 when she got tired of her Bipolar Disorder. She had suffered with it for most of her adult life. Her friends and family got together and had a great big fun party for her. It was a happy event. I have never met Ruth but her Mum and I have a unique bond. It felt special to be there with Si and my parents. I felt deep gratitude for all these lovely people in my life. All the proceeds went to the charity Mind.

The same adjectives I use to describe Saagar were used  to describe Ruth. She was actively involved in amateur theatre and her gorgeous photographs from various productions were displayed for our pleasure – Kismet, Sweet Charity, South Pacific and Oliver. Her twinkling eyes and cheeky smile sparkled through every photograph.

“Mem’ries light the corners of my mind
Misty water-colour mem’ries of the way we were
Scatterred pictures of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we gave to one another for the way we were
Can it be that it was all so simple then
Or has time re-written ev’ry line?
If we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me, would we? Could we?
Mem’ries may be beautiful yet
What’s too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget
So it’s the laughter we will remember
Whenever we remember
The way we were… the way we were…”

The way we were from ‘The way we were’.

Bless you Ruthy!

Bless you Saagar!

Day 701

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Today I attended a Mind-Body Interface Conference at the Royal College of Physicians. I have no idea why I enrolled for it. I am attracted to any event that might deepen my understanding of the magicians that work with the intricate workings of the mind. This was the first conference of my career where I did not know anyone at all. I had no idea what the trade stalls were talking about and I felt like an alien. Yet, in the breaks I had insightful conversations with a GP, a mental health nurse who is now a Resuscitation lead in his hospital and a child psychologist.

I learnt from the experts about the relationship of mental illness with cannabis, tobacco, functional neurological syndromes, diabetes, Obstructive Sleep Apnoea, Restless leg Syndrome, Insomnia. There was also a very descriptive talk on emergency management of Anorexia Nervosa. It was all very interesting but my intellectual mind and emotional mind were in constant battle with each other giving me a severe headache. It brought up more questions about Saagar. The idealistic solutions proposed by some gave me an insight into how far the theory is from the practical realities of life like poor funding and poor access to specialist services.

Being there made me really angry at GMC’s decision to not carry on with investigations into Saagar’s death in any detail. They seem to think everyone did their job properly. If that is the case, how did he die within weeks of his diagnosis?

In medicine it is a common teaching that when we treat someone, we should make decisions guided by what we would do if the patient was a dear one of ours. I wonder if the Examiners at the GMC apply that principle to themselves while taking decisions – how deeply would I investigate if this damaged/deceased young man was my child?

Day 698

“Take care of your feet” has been the resounding advice and part of best wishes from all my friends and colleagues over the past few days, on hearing of the upcoming long walk. Guess what. All that distance and not a single blister. Regular trainers. Nothing fancy. Regular hiking socks and lots of ‘compede’ in the bag but none on the feet. My feet just don’t blister. Must be my thick skin!

Before the walk, I didn’t think I could do it.
Before Saagar passed away, I didn’t know I could survive it.
After the walk, I know I can even though at times it seemed impossible to go on.
Nearly 2 years after Saagar, I know I can, even though at times it seems impossible to go on.

Both of these experiences, while not comparable, took me right outside my comfort zone and put me in a very vulnerable and painful place. And I am still here, learning new things about myself and the world around me everyday.

A young man from Scotland survived a serious suicide attempt in May 2015. He suffers with depression. He is now cycling around the world to raise awareness of mental health and suicide prevention. His journey will take him to 80 countries on 6 continents. He calls himself ‘The Tartan Explorer’  (http://tartanexplorer.com/) and his name is Josh Quigley. Good luck young man!

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