Day 807

To talk about Saagar isn’t easy.
Yet to not share his story, impossible.
Hoping it helps somebody!

To miss him so much, it hurts
Unbearably.
Yet, to know he’s always with me.

To carry on living here,
in our house is tough.
To leave, unthinkable.

To look at his beautiful pictures,
Crushing!
Yet, life-sustaining.

To meditate,
Feeling one with the universe
Whole and complete.
Yet, a black void!

To smile,
knowing that’s what he would want.
And feel the eyes well up,
Involuntarily.

To feel,
utmost gratitude for all that he was, is, will be.
And never let him die.

(http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b088rynq/victoria-derbyshire-09012017
: 02:13 minutes and then a little more at about 03:15)

Day 805

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A New Year’s Prayer

May God make your year a happy one!
Not be shielding you from all sorrows and pain,
But by strengthening you to bear it as it comes;
Not be making your path easy,
But by making you sturdy to travel any path;
Not by taking hardships from you,
But by taking fear from your heart;
Not by granting you unbroken sunshine,
But by keeping your face bright,
Even in the shadows
Not by making your life always pleasant,
But by showing you
When people and their causes need you most,
And by making you anxious to be there to help.
God’s love, peace, hope and joy to you
For the year ahead.

-Anonymous.

 

Day 800

photo

Only when all the leaves are gone
And it’s stripped to its bare bone,
Does the tree come into its own,
Stark, basic, simple, plain, alone.

On show, each and every flaw,
Defoliated, unclad, in the raw,
Broken, knotted, gnarled they saw,
Yet the Elements, they gnaw and gnaw.

The years, they take their toll,
The bark hides rings of stories untold,
The earth, the roots, the light, they hold
The planet, in a loving fold.

Only when all the leaves were gone,
And it stood with nothing on,
Did the scars like sunbeams shone,
And twists, crags and bristles adorned
The silhouette of the proud Anon.

Only when all the leaves were gone.

Day 792

Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
That, we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?

I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.

All is well.
Nothing is hurt, nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!

Henry Scott Holland, Professor of Divinity, University of Oxford. Early 20th century.

Wish you were in this room or the next. Wish I could have filled a stocking with goodies for you. Wish we could have shared this day with those we love. Wish I could have heard you call out to me, “Mamma!” Wish we could have cooked and cleared up together talking about silly things. Wish we could have played a game of table-tennis or charades or carom. You were so good at them! And such fun! I did play, pray, smile and think of you a lot. I missed you every minute of the day but I was ‘normal’. Went mountain biking for the first time. I remembered how you loved stamping your little feet in puddles on the footpath when you walked to and from your primary school. I enjoyed cycling through similar muddy puddles and felt how you must have felt. Si was amused by the squeals. Your name was spoken many times with love and pride as if you are here. And you are, in our hearts. Utterly unforgettable. Till we meet again…

Day 791

Looking forward with help.
Looking back with support.
Looking at this moment with love.

A bunch of daffodils
A beacon of hope.
A bag of tulip bulbs.
A promise of life.
All here, in this room.

A crackling log fire.
A sparkling tree.
Singing carols with friends.
Gobbling words and notes.
Giggles and gossip.

Trout with celeriac mash.
Apple spiced with cinnamon.
A brisk walk in the fields.
Hugs and kisses.
Love and best wishes.

Blessings and prayers.
Here and there.
Everywhere.
No complaints.
Yes, pain. That’s plane.
Yet, heaps of smiles.

Thank you for what is.
Thank you.

Looking forward with love.
Looking back with love.
Looking at this moment with love.