21 years old university student James went to a walk-in centre at Newcastle feeling very anxious and suicidal in December 2006. He was referred to A&E in the same category of priorities as a toothache. He waited for half an hour and then left. 2 days later he ended his own life. His parents, Nick Wentworth-Stanley and Clare Milford Haven set up a charitable foundation in his memory: www.jwsmf.org

An alliance of suicide prevention charities called TASC (http://www.tasc-uk.org/) is working hard to spread information, identify gaps and provide effective action to reduce suicides and influence policy makers to formulate preventative strategies and working with media to report responsibly.

Campaign against living miserably, CALM (www.thecalmzone.net) is a charity with a sole purpose of reducing male suicide in the UK. It has recently published an audit trying to understand the causes for male suicides: https://www.thecalmzone.net/2014/11/masculinity-audit/

The report suggests a cycle of depression, frustration and unhealthy behaviours develops in men which is difficult to break. Ensuring men feel they can speak to someone about depression is paramount. The audit makes other astute observations that are enlightening.

Harmless, Grassroots, Mind, Bipolar UK, Equilibrium, Rethink Mental Illness, Papyrus, Maytree, Samaritans, If U care share Foundation are other charities doing truly inspiring work in this field.

So much is being done, yet so much more needs done. Wonder how I can make a difference.

The BBC update published yesterday says that 8304 people have died of Ebola all over the world in the latest outbreak, one of them in the UK.

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-28755033

The 2014 Government update on suicides says that 4513 people have died of suicide in the UK alone in 2012, a trend that continues to be maintained at a very high level till date.

https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/278120/Suicide_update_Jan_2014_FINAL_revised.pdf

The same year 40,600 people died of suicide in USA, 1 every 13 minutes.

How much coverage does this real epidemic get in the media? Why? Is it because it is not a physical illness? Is it because it does not generate enough fear in the populace? Or is it because it does not figure anywhere in the priorities of the governments?

I have felt like an utter fool for all this time for not knowing so much about this problem despite being a medical professional. Now, that it has landed right on my doorstep, I am forced to look at it closely. The more I look, the more information and gaps I find.

It is clear to me that Mental illness is something we, the public need to learn and talk more about because the NHS and the government do not seem to care.

Today I am just blank. There is nothing that I want to say or do, hear or read. Nothing is good or bad, desirable or undesirable. Everything is ok. It just is. I just am. You just are.

There is no fight, no turmoil. I sit here motionless just watching the waves of the ocean come and go, again and again and again. Being aware of them, one with them. Listening to the roaring sounds they make and watching the dance of the sunrays and the surf. I feel Mother Nature in all its glory trying to reassure me that all is well.

Time is of no consequence. It is just a silent companion. It stands still while I stroll past it very slowly. It changes its shape and form while standing there imperceptibly, casting its shadows on all who walk past. It is sometimes a friend other times a demon and right now completely indifferent.

There is no past or future. What is is right here, right now. I observe the ‘now’ sometimes with my eyes open and other times with eyes closed. All I feel is love. There is no need for anything more or less. Just love.

12 weeks today! Thursday again.

All those years ago, after we brought him home from the hospital as a newborn babe, I remember being worried about the most bizarre of possibilities for about 6 months. May be the hospital staff had made an error and swapped babies as happens in films. They might come back to take this one away and give me another one that was actually ‘ours’. This doubt arose from the fact that I could not believe how beautiful and adorable this baby was. What would I do if that happened? Would I be forced to give him up? Would I be able to feel the same way about the new baby? How would I manage?

Now, I feel so fortunate that this golden child was mine to cherish for so many years.

Our move to London when he was 12 came about due to a promotion for me. He had already spent a year in secondary school where he was thriving and hence, was not too happy about the move. It was a big culture shock after Belfast – from a big village to the “Big smoke”. I remember someone saying – so you are going from being a rich doctor to a poor nobody. That was pretty accurate but I was excited about my new post and believed that London would be better for us as individuals and as a family in the long run.

He settled in well at his new school, which was much more diverse and stimulating. Sports, academics, drama, social interaction, he loved it all. The only complaint he had was that there were no girls. ;-). Despite being in a very accepting and open environment, he was aware of his ethnicity. His way of dealing with the difference was to be funny and self-deprecating, possibly due to the Irish influence from previous years.

Out of curiosity I looked up the correlation between mental illness and ethnic minorities and found some interesting facts summarised in these 2 articles:

http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/sites/default/files/TTC_Final%20Report_ETHNOS_summary_0.pdf –

http://www.communitycare.co.uk/2011/04/05/ethnic-minorities-still-over-represented-in-mental-healthcare/ –

He spent one third of his life in India, one third in Northern Ireland (NI) and the last third in London. He was 6 when we moved to NI and he was one of very few colored children in the local primary school. But, he was happy, coping very well with his school work and having good friendships. I remember he mentioned that his best friend always stood up for him when other kids tried to bother him. One day out of the blue he asked me if I could change his original Indian name to Alan. I laughed it off at the time but now I can see how different he must have felt.

One Sunday morning, after nearly a year of being in the school, he casually mentioned that some girls in his class refused to sit beside him because they thought he was dirty. The next day I went to see his teacher who completely denied the existence of any such issues. Despite my insistence, she remained in denial. Thereafter I made an appointment to see the Principal whose attitude was pretty much the same.

Here is an article that very clearly lays out the bi-directional relationship between bullying and mental health on page 13. It deals with the subject in more detail in the next few pages.

http://www.anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk/media/5436/Mental-health-and-bullying-module-FINAL.pdf

We as parents need to be watchful of our own behavior and that of our kids as children learn more from our attitudes and actions than our words. Here is a related story:

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/your-stories/the-truth-about-bullying-and-mental-health/ –

Well, it’s all done and dusted now. He is not coming back no matter how back and forth my thoughts take me.

However, this world is yours and mine, these kids are yours and mine and their well being is yours and mine.