Day 541

“Hate drumming inside of me
Hate dying to get out.
Sinking into a pool of blackened hate.
Hate drinking me.
Hate consuming me.
Hate isolating me.

Hate me.

Hate controlling me.
Hate inspiring me.
Hate defining me.
Hate denying me.

Hate me.

Indescribable hate.
Hate scarring me.”

This poem was written by Laura Miles when she was a teenager. It described how she felt. She started self-harming when she was 13. She didn’t know why she was doing it. She didn’t know anyone else who was doing it. She didn’t even know what it was called. It was just something that she had power over, something that gave her a sense of control over this ever-changing world. It calmed her.

Laura went on to self-harm extensively throughout her teens and early twenties during which time she studied GCSEs, A levels and a BA in History. She was diagnosed with depression and developed obsessive compulsive traits which ruled her life. In May 2008, after a decade of poor mental health, she decided to end her life. This is when she read the Bible and had a significant encounter with God. That changed her perspective and started her on the road to recovery. She spent 7 months in a residential unit and learnt to manage her feelings and her life well.

She went on to complete a Master’s degree in Social work and now works protecting vulnerable teenagers. She can listen to them with empathy and give them hopes and dreams for the future. She shares her experiences and techniques she has learnt to help others get better. She understands better than anyone that self-harm in only ever a symptom and never a cause.

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