belonging

Day 624

Posted by

0

27 years ago we all passed out of medical school – 50 of us. Young people. We dispersed all over the world following our own destined paths and loosing track of one another at the same time. 2 years ago we were invited back to our alma mater to celebrate 25th anniversary of our graduation. We met up in India and rediscovered each other and ourselves all over again. We forgot our ‘real’ lives and were absolutely exhilarated by this re-connection. It was unreal because it felt as if time had not moved an inch. We picked up from exactly where we had left off, just with more to share.

Yesterday 11 of the girls and 7 of the boys from that group reassembled. Some came with family. They travelled from Australia, India, Canada, Kenya and the USA to spend 3 days together in London. The space was filled with warm hugs and beaming smiles. The exhilaration in the room was palpable.

Together, we are kids again. We watch kiddie musicals, go for boat rides, reminisce funny stories from college, go sightseeing, dance, sing, shop and make jokes.

While many chronological years have passed and much has transpired, these bonds are special. We are back to being kids in med-school, having a party.

“Time is the most undefinable yet paradoxical of things; the past is gone, the future is not come, and the present becomes the past even while we attempt to define it, and, like the flash of lightning, at once exists and expires.”

– Charles Caleb Colton

 

Day 616

Posted by

0

S Bench 2

The lush green school grounds, the theatre, the officious but friendly teachers, the man-boy students, the flowing laughter, the drinks and nibbles, the chatty parents, the Design show at Saagar’s school.

We were invited. We were there to see Saagar’s memorial bench holding pride of place. The show-stopper!

The highly talented and very sweet young man T, who made it was there too with his family. We met them for the first time. His mother said that he had worked really hard on this project as he felt honoured to be asked to do it. He was apprehensive about meeting me but thereafter he relaxed and enjoyed doing it.

A few years ago Saagar studied Design and Technology(D&T) for his GCSEs. He loved it. One day he sat down to discuss his project with me. He asked me what kind of a jewelry stand I would like – the rough shape and size of it and other requirements it should fulfil. He made me a beautiful jewelry stand for my trinkets – with mirrors, rods for necklaces, little pots for finger-rings and ear-rings and smaller pots for safety pins and hair pins. He paid attention to every detail. The stand took centre stage on my dressing table from the day it entered the house.

I hope he appreciates the lime-green legs on his bench. That’s me returning the favour, if at all possible.

 

 

Day 615

Posted by

0

He didn’t complain.

Looking back, so many things happened but he did not complain. He managed. He smiled. He coped.

He could sense the slightest worry in my voice. When I spoke on the phone with a family member or friend he would ask me the reason for any phrase with an exclamation mark. He was very sensitive and he felt not only his own but other people’s pain deeply too.

When he was in primary school I found out about the bullying long after it had started. I discovered it accidentally when he mentioned his friend A, who always stood up for him when the others were being mean to him. When I spoke to his teacher about it she completely denied any knowledge of such goings on. That also meant that she would not do anything to stop it because it did not exist. It was a battle. When I would be visibly upset over anything, he would say, “Mamma, let it be.”

He didn’t complain.

Looking back, so many things happened but he did not complain. He managed. He smiled. He coped. For as long as he could.

Day 611

Posted by

0

The seminar hall at the All Souls Club was full. It was the Annual day of SOBS, Survivors Of Bereavement by Suicide. This is one of those support groups that wishes that it’s membership would continue to drop to the point where it would not need to exist. But sadly, year on year there are more and more families seeking help after being struck by this tragedy. They bring their stories, their feelings and thoughts to this sacred space where they are understood and honoured.

Some of the topics explored by us were – guilt being a major part of bereavement by suicide and how to deal with it; how much of a ‘choice’ is suicide; how useful and effective is the Coroner’s inquest and how can it be made more meaningful.

A few parents have been attending this annual meeting for more than 15 years. They all observed that at the meeting in 2009 there were roughly 10 parents present. Today there were more than 45 and they had to form 2 groups for meaningful exchange to take place.

Last year my friend N and I had to leave the meeting in the middle of a talk and we stood on the staircase hugging each other and crying inconsolably. Today N mediated one group of parents and I the other.

Getting through one day at a time, putting one foot in front of the other and then looking back, I see that bonds are strengthening, hearts are healing and light is entering not only into us but also into the world through our wounds.