PDA

Posted by kidsaregifts20

(Awakening Needs Cards Created by Linda Nolan and Karen Plumbe)

It was natural, spontaneous and normal in London. Now, we must look around to ensure no one’s watching us.

Holding hands in public? At our age? Oh my God! At any age. Strange.

A hug. Inappropriately bold.

A peck on the cheek? Unthinkable.

A quick kiss on the lips to say hello or bye. Absolutely scandalous.

“Your husband even holds the umbrella for you in the market”, an acquaintance remarked.

I had not given it a thought. “Yes. He’s very good”, I said. I was tempted to defend his actions by making statements like, it’s easier for him as he’s taller than me or it helps me use both hands to select the fruit and veg but I stopped myself. He needs no defending. I was learning about what is normal here.

Affection isn’t a thing here. Public Display of Affection (PDA) is prohibited.

Food. Yes. Gifts. Yes. Laughter. Yes. Folded hands as greeting. Yes.

Hugs. No.

A young man of seventeen studies Biology with me for an hour, twice a week. He wants to be a doctor. He showed me an MCQ that he did not understand. It was about Barrier contraception. I asked him if he had covered the chapter on Sexual Health in School. He said the teacher had completely omitted it. She had asked the students to read and learn that chapter on their own.

The next day I found myself retrieving a little square white and blue packet from the small cupboard outside the door of the local Health Centre. It was labelled Nirodh (the Government sponsored condom). I had not signed up for this, but I turned out to be the one to explain Sexual health to him.

In a society where men and women pretend, they never touch each other and it is somehow wrong to do that, how can the adolescents learn affection, let alone intimacy?

“Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives.”

– CS Lewis.

Who’s the boss?

Posted by kidsaregifts20

Did you know there’s an organisation that brings science and spirituality together? Its mission is to create a kinder, heart-centered world where we care for one another and live harmoniously. It’s called the HeartMath Institute and offers many free resources.

They have found that the heart is not just a mechanical pump. It contains thousands of nerve cells. That is probably the reason our memories and trauma are stored in various parts of our body, mainly the brain and heart.

We were taught in school that the brain is a master-organ but it’s the heart that tells it what to do. The intelligence of creativity, innovation and intuition resides in the cells of the heart. Brain neurons are the antennae that follow the heart’s desires. For example, I want to speak and understand Spanish says the heart. The brain follows.

We humans have a stunning ability to self-regulate. Our biology is engineered as a soft technology. Our fundamental physiology is made up of ion-potentials across membranes. We’re the only form of life that can harmonise its two major neural organs through Heart-Brain Coherence. We can alter the chemistry in our bodies. Once this coherence occurs, we can heal and be healthy. The immune system is strengthened, longevity enzymes rise and stress is reduced at a molecular level. Three minutes of this shift can produce beneficial effects for 6 hours.

3 steps:

Shift in focus – into the heart
Shift in breath – slow it so the exhalation is longer than the inhalation
Shift in feeling – a positive feeling – initiate Gratitude on demand.

We are powerful self-regulators. It is a God-like ability that we have, to heal ourselves. We’re conditioned to feel helpless and think we need external help. Sometimes we do need interventions, but we can honour the gift of this body to heal ourselves.

170,000

Posted by kidsaregifts20

– the number of suicides in India every year. India holds the top position in the world in very few things. This is one of them. Of these deaths, more than 40% are under the age of thirty. Both these facts possibly underestimate the problem due to poor data collection, criminalisation of suicidal attempts, inefficient registration systems, lack of medical certification of deaths and biggest of all, stigma. Every eight minutes a young Indian person dies by suicide. Year on year, the rates are rising by 4-7%.

The incidence of student suicides surpasses population growth rates. Over the last decade, the number of student suicides increased from 7,696 to 13,089.

Source: A report released on Sept 10th 2024: Student Suicides: an epidemic sweeping India.

Today, to mark World Mental Health Day, a brave young lady, Jayeta Biswas, published an article remembering her brother, Jayanta. Aside from revealing some shocking statistics, it lamented the seriously negative societal attitudes towards poor mental health and suicide in India:

“A home that was always filled with visitors when my brother was alive saw no one from his school, college, professional life or network after his departure. None of his friends, including those he had contacted in his last hours – attended his funeral, nor did they visit our house. I am certain that this is because they heard that he died by suicide.”

We have a long way to go as a society but small school initiatives such as SEHER give me hope.

How we do it is important.

Posted by kidsaregifts20

They said that Saagar was discharged from the Mental health services because he wanted to return to his education. His parents wanted the same. Correct.

The Home Treatment Team decided it was the best thing. Great. They handed over his care to his GP.

After his death, carelessness was found to be the root of the problem. His Discharge Summary did not name Saagar’s illness. The person who wrote it had never met Saagar. He was carrying out a formality without understanding its significance. He didn’t quite grasp his role in the business of keeping a person alive.

His GP, on the basis of the information he had received went on to treat Saagar for an illness he did not have with medications positively dangerous for young people. He believed he was doing his best by maintaining Saagar’s confidentiality and not sharing his para-suicidal status with us while expecting us to look after him at home. He did his job but his patient died.

They all did what they thought right but how they did it determined the outcome, which was tragic.

The same applies to small things. I can request someone to stop smoking in my space but how I do it matters. I can ask someone to pick up their litter, take their shoes off the train seat and use ear-phones while watching videos on their cell-phone.

Multitasking is not to be glorified.

Doing one thing at a time and doing it well is of much more value than doing five things simultaneously and all shoddy. For instance, being a 100% present during a conversation without checking my phone once. Leaving it on silent mode in the other room with the door shut is my secret for getting into the flow of writing. Being fully present to the page and the pen and the soft scratchy sound that the tip of my pen makes as it moves in a squiggly line from left to right. Letting everything disappear except the ink freeing itself into the world.

Little things.

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“Where you from?”

I wonder why so many people in my own country make this query. They ask often enough to annoy me enough to make me stop and think. Why?

Is it because my grey hair seems odd in a country where almost everyone adorns black hair, irrespective of age? Is my accent too strange for my own people? Do I dress funny? My mother believes it’s because I say ‘Thank-you’ much too often. At the end of a meal in a restaurant, accepting the bill, Thank you. Waiter handing me the card machine, Thank you. Making the payment and handing him back the machine. Thank you. Receiving a copy of the receipt. Thank you. Leaving the restaurant through a door held by a doorman. Thank you.

Do other people do it to the same extent or is my thanking over the top?

Do I really mean it each time I say it or is it a mindless habit? An automatic impulse? Spontaneous blurting?

Well, do I need to convert my gratitude into a problem? It has to be a good thing. Right? They say more gratitude makes for less stress, better relationships, good mood, optimism and connection. It helps us celebrate goodness in the world and newness of the present moment. It blocks negative emotions like envy, resentment and regret. It improves my social ties and self-worth as I feel that someone is looking out for me. Research has proven it to be essential to happiness. It is the ‘queen of all virtues.’ They say it’s not merely a sentiment but a practice. It can be cultivated by noticing little things, sights and smells, sounds and sensations, tastes and shapes and movements. Writing them down.

Do I actually feel grateful for the little things others do for me? Do I smile and make eye contact with them? Do I meaningfully connect with the person in front of me? Do I hold the attitude of gratitude in my body? Yes.

So, I am comfortable with not taking small things for granted, even if it translates to saying thank-you too often. The next time someone asks “Where you from?” I will say, “Thank you for asking.” 😉

Resources:

Gratitude Quiz: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/quizzes/take_quiz/gratitude