the now

Day 625

Posted by

0

The 2016 reunion of our batch ended with a bang today. We danced till late at night and had an absolute blast. Si met many of my friends for the first time and they all seemed to get on well. My friends not only liked him and approved of him but were very happy for me, as I am for myself.

Despite all the festivities, two of our classmates were missed most as they could only have attended the event in spirit and I am sure they did. Some of my friend’s kids attended the event, mostly teenagers and young adults. I enjoyed getting to know them. Much as I would have liked to show him off to everyone, which is what I did ever since the day he was born, Saagar could only have attended in spirit and I am sure he did. I felt his presence all the time.

Hundreds of pictures were taken in the hope of capturing the good times and holding on to them forever. Many new memories were created, many friendships consolidated and much strength was derived from the knowledge that we are always there for each other.

The farewells were full of promise and hope of meeting again…soon. As I said many thanks to the universe, this thought came uninvited – Take nothing, absolutely nothing for granted.

 

 

Day 624

Posted by

0

27 years ago we all passed out of medical school – 50 of us. Young people. We dispersed all over the world following our own destined paths and loosing track of one another at the same time. 2 years ago we were invited back to our alma mater to celebrate 25th anniversary of our graduation. We met up in India and rediscovered each other and ourselves all over again. We forgot our ‘real’ lives and were absolutely exhilarated by this re-connection. It was unreal because it felt as if time had not moved an inch. We picked up from exactly where we had left off, just with more to share.

Yesterday 11 of the girls and 7 of the boys from that group reassembled. Some came with family. They travelled from Australia, India, Canada, Kenya and the USA to spend 3 days together in London. The space was filled with warm hugs and beaming smiles. The exhilaration in the room was palpable.

Together, we are kids again. We watch kiddie musicals, go for boat rides, reminisce funny stories from college, go sightseeing, dance, sing, shop and make jokes.

While many chronological years have passed and much has transpired, these bonds are special. We are back to being kids in med-school, having a party.

“Time is the most undefinable yet paradoxical of things; the past is gone, the future is not come, and the present becomes the past even while we attempt to define it, and, like the flash of lightning, at once exists and expires.”

– Charles Caleb Colton

 

Day 623

Posted by

0

Simba-the-lion-king-39355001-355-484

Lion King, The Musical – I watched it for the 4th time today. Any opportunity to watch it and I am on. The first time was on Saagar’s 12th birthday. I fell in love with it. I liked it more than he did.

The costumes, the singing, the sets, the characters, the humour, the dancing – everything transports me to another world and I am a child again. The tall green grass blowing gently in the wind, the graceful feminine lionesses walking elegantly across, the big huge sun, the abundance of nature, the funny tribal lady with a commanding but light presence and an amazing voice, … so many things! I could go on and on. I missed my Simba terribly. He was so utterly cute and charming! Impossible to get angry with. So gorgeous too.

Well, it is a beautiful world and I am only a child.

Hakuna Matata.

 

 

Day 622

Posted by

0

imgres

Since the day Saagar died I have lit a candle in his memory, in front of his picture every evening. Some days when I am home all day, I light it in the morning and keep it on all day. It feels peaceful. Each time I light the candle I caress his face and look into his eyes. I admire his beautiful face and his short but brilliant life. I watch the hypnotic flickering flame and allow it to sooth my senses. Sitting still, watching the dancing flame, I meditate. This solitary light dispels the darkness in my life and in the world.

For centuries people all over the world, from various traditions and religions have lit candles in remembrance of loved ones as a way of healing the past and bringing hope for the future. This daily ritual connects me to all those people, past and present. It is the focal point of my evenings. It brings together love, sorrow and gratitude to one point. It focuses my thoughts, intentions and prayers. It brings me to this present moment, strengthening my faith in the human spirit and my resolve to change things for the better. It makes me see that Saagar is here with me.

 

Day 621

Posted by

2

photo

A self portrait as a 10 year old printed on a primary school tea towel.

Typical boy!

In his mid-teens he was a bit obsessed with the form of the male bits. When snow fell, he would outline the bits on the thin film of snow on windscreens of cars. He could artfully peel oranges to create the desired shape of the bits with the peel impressively in one piece. Sometimes when his friends were over, I would find the fridge magnets moved around and rearranged to resemble their favourite shape. Often I could hear giggles and laughter coming from the kitchen when they were up to some such naughtiness.

One summer evening I was driving him and his drum set to a church hall to be part of a musical event. The venue was on ‘Bellenden Road’. When Saagar heard that name his face and eyes lit up with a naughty amused smile. He found it terribly funny and I had no clue why. He double checked with me if that was the real name of the road and continued to enjoy his secret joke. A few days ago I randomly remembered that day and asked Si what was funny about the word ‘bellenden’. He too instantly smiled and gave me an explanation. Yes. Funny! So predictable!

Boys!