the now

Day 566

Posted by

0

The much talked about ‘Jurassic Park’ had just been released in New Delhi and tickets had to be booked well in advance. The earliest tickets available were for the 4th of May, which happened to be my EDD, Expected Date of Delivery. So we thought about it and went ahead with the bookings anyway. At worst I would miss it. At best I would watch it. As it turned out I did watch it and loved it, big belly and all. Saagar was born 2 days later, on the 6th of May.

This happened 22 years ago.

That day I stepped into an all-consuming ocean of love and I am still immersed in it. It carries me, guides me and motivates me at every juncture.

This year I will be delivering  my first Youth MHFA (Mental Health First Aid) course on the 6/7 May. This course teaches people how to identify, understand and help a person who may be developing a mental health issue. In the same way as we learn physical first aid, Mental Health First Aid teaches early recognition of the crucial warning signs of mental ill health so that a better level of recovery can be achieved. It teaches how to effectively guide patient towards the right support services. Most importantly, it helps breakdown the stigma attached with mental illness. In a nutshell, it really endeavours to fill a big gap in our society. MHFA course  was developed in Australia in 2000 and is now internationally recognised in 23 countries.

I think it would be a fitting tribute to Saagar on his 22nd birthday. Things change.

 

 

 

 

Day 564

Posted by

0

Even now they make me feel like an innocent and sweet child. They make me feel special, secure and deeply loved.

They have gone through difficult times with great dignity and made big sacrifices for the immediate and extended family. They have stuck together through thick and thin and always been there for their kids, be it through difficulties at school, during pregnancy and childbirth or with relationships. They are my source of strength. They are two but I think of them as one.

They shower me with gifts, cook lovely meals for Si and me and do lots of little things for not just me but also my friends. They are so proud of me that it is a bit embarrassing sometimes.

I left home at 16 and have been homesick ever since, wishing I could have more time with them. I have missed them a lot. While abroad, I have spent most of my leave visiting them and still it is never enough.

They are my parents. We had the best evening together. My mother’s specials – dal makhani, fish tikka and mango panna in a warm and loving home.

At the darkest of times, I have thought of them and drawn courage from knowing that even though they are not physically with me, their thoughts and prayers always are. I am never alone.

 

 

Day 563

Posted by

0

Just one day left before we leave this peaceful place and head back home.

The mind is already ahead of itself, on the commuter train in London, juggling time and tasks, falling short of sleep, getting stuck in the things one has to do as opposed to things one wants to do and so on and so forth…

Every now and then it has to be brought back into the ‘now’, soaking up every moment.

At present, it is 30 degrees centigrade outside, birds are chirping, lemongrass tea is waiting to cool down, I am writing at leisure. I am breathing and all is well. I need to place more faith in life and in myself. I need to know that everything is within reach and within means. Including Saagar. His energy is still here. I feel it. It energises me. It brings a smile to my face. It helps me find ways to nourish others and myself. It brings forth all the love in my heart and allows it to flow. Nothing else matters.

Every morning at school assembly, the day used to start with these Sanskrit verses:

Om Asato Maa Sad-Gamaya |
Tamaso Maa Jyotir-Gamaya |
Mrtyor-Maa Amrtam Gamaya |
Om Shaantih Shaantih Shaantih ||

Meaning:

From ignorance, lead me to the truth.
From darkness, lead me to the light.
From death, lead me to immortality.
Om. Peace. Peace. Peace.

At the time I didn’t fully grasp the meaning but I think now I do.

Inhale … Right here.
Exhale… Right now.

Day 562

Posted by

0

Tell me the Truth About Love.

Some say love’s a little boy,
And some say it’s a bird,
Some say it makes the world go round,
Some say that’s absurd,
And when I asked the man next door,
Who looked as if he knew,
His wife got very cross indeed,
And said it wouldn’t do.

Does it look like a pair of pyjamas,
Or the ham in a temperance hotel?
Does its odour remind one of llamas,
Or has it a comforting smell?
Is it prickly to touch as a hedge is,
Or soft as eiderdown fluff?
Is it sharp or quite smooth at the edges?
O tell me the truth about love.

Our history books refer to it
In cryptic little notes,
It’s quite a common topic on
The Transatlantic boats;
I’ve found the subject mentioned in
Accounts of suicides,
And even seen it scribbled on
The backs of railway guides.

Does it howl like a hungry Alsatian,
Or boom like a military band?
Could one give a first-rate imitation
On a saw or a Steinway Grand?
Is its singing at parties a riot?
Does it only like Classical stuff?
Will it stop when one wants to be quiet?
O tell me the truth about love.

I looked inside the summer-house;
It wasn’t even there;
I tried the Thames at Maidenhead,
And Brighton’s bracing air.
I don’t know what the blackbird sang,
Or what the tulip said;
But it wasn’t in the chicken-run,
Or underneath the bed.

Can it pull extraordinary faces?
Is it usually sick on a swing?
Does it spend all its time at the races,
or fiddling with pieces of string?
Has it views of its own about money?
Does it think Patriotism enough?
Are its stories vulgar but funny?
O tell me the truth about love.

When it comes, will it come without warning
Just as I’m picking my nose?
Will it knock on my door in the morning,
Or tread in the bus on my toes?
Will it come like a change in the weather?
Will its greeting be courteous or rough?
Will it alter my life altogether?
O tell me the truth about love.

-W. H. Auden

Day 561

Posted by

0

This year I turn 50.
When I was young I could think of turning 30 and 40 but somehow turning 50 had never crossed my mind and here I am, just a few months short of it. It sounds like too many years but I suppose it is as big a deal as I make of it. Si, my family and friends are keen on planning a celebration far more than I am. Although I would be happy to play along, I am not quite in the mood for a big ‘celebration’.

Being here in peaceful surroundings, breathing clean air, drinking naturally pure water, eating fresh organic vegetarian food, doing yoga and meditation everyday, not chasing time and getting good sleep every night has made me look at life and me differently. Most of the things listed above are for free and yet invaluable. The cost of living is so low here and yet I choose to work unearthly hours just to make ends meet. It has often felt like running like crazy on a treadmill, going nowhere.

Some very basic existential questions have come up for me. Of course I need my body and mind to experience the world but I am neither my body nor my mind. What if I stood back from both and looked at my existence that is beyond these two?

How would I live if I had no fear of suffering?
Nature has left us free to choose, trusting our intelligence, trusting that naturally we would seek the highest.

The choice exists in every moment.