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Day 862

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He often watched ‘How it’s made’ on TV. He was fascinated with the process. Be it guitars, dream cars, ballistic missiles or bubble gum, he was intrigued with how things were made. In school he studied Design and Technology (D&T). As a project he had to design and make something in his last year at school.

Together we came up with the idea of a jewellery stand. We discussed the desired features, materials, shape and size and over time he refined the idea with the help of his teachers. A few months later he brought home this beautiful piece of work. He had managed to add a mirror, adjustable fittings and decorations to it. I was immensely proud. Another one of his many gifts! May be his finger prints are still on it, intermingled with mine. 

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(Saagar, slightly blurred, in the background in his school D&T lab)

Two hundred and thirty one children in the UK died of suicide before finishing school in 2015. Nearly 100 children aged 10 to 14 killed themselves in the UK in the last decade, according to figures from the Office for National Statistics (ONS). The more I look into it, the more my heart breaks. I am sorry if my writing has the same effect on you. It is such a waste! We are loosing our future to suicide!

 “There can be no keener revelation of a society’s soul than the way in which it treats its children.”   – Nelson Mandela

Ref:

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/feb/04/female-suicide-rate-in-england-highest-for-a-decade-in-2014-figures-reveal

Day 861

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To a church full of grieving, sobbing, hurting people, Music came with the intent to comfort, thoughtful Words came with a desire to heal. Both tore through scars, new and old, both picked scabs off wounds, new and old, both hurt. Tears flowed freely. Both caressed and soothed, both touched a place deep within.

Music and Words shook hands with Grief and Sorrow, who filled the space, gently nudging them to the back of the room.

Both melted hearts and amalgamated everyone into one. A bereaved mother spoke most lovingly about her son and of her resolve to spend each moment of the rest of her life loving and being loved. A bereaved daughter spoke of her newfound ability to cherish the beautiful memories of her mother with a smile, after more than 6 years of her mother’s sad death. A young man spoke of his struggles with Bipolar Disorder. Everyone listened and felt with all their being.

Once again I watched life play out in front of me from a distance as if on a film screen. What was I doing there? It looked like I completely belonged to this community. It looked like I was happy to be there with so many lovely people. The exchanges were deep and meaningful. The hugs and smiles were more real than real. But, who was this person? Who was she and who am I?

The Aliens – by Charles Bukowski:

you may not believe it 
but there are people
who go through life with
very little
friction or
distress.
they dress well, eat
well, sleep well.
they are contented with
their family
life.
they have moments of
grief
but all in all
they are undisturbed
and often feel
very good.
and when they die
it is an easy
death, usually in their
sleep.
you may not believe
it
but such people do
exist.
but I am not one of
them.
oh no, I am not one
of them,
I am not even near
to being
one of
them
but they are
there
and I am
here.

 

Day 860

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Surprisingly her train was on time. Today she was careful. She went to the correct platform. It was 12 noon. There were only a few people around, looking lonely. She boarded a quiet coach and was happy to find her favourite, forward-facing-window seat with a table, waiting for her. The only other person there was a young man sitting by the window opposite, immersed in his phone and lost in a world of his own, between the big black and red headphones planted over his ears. Both his feet, with shoes on, were resting on the seat opposite. Her head rankled aloud and she was filled with such severe disapproval that she nearly turned around and left.

But then she stopped. He was only a kid. In a strange way he reminded her of her son, even though he looked nothing like him. She could speak with him. What was the worst that could happen? She approached him gently and got his attention.
“Please would you mind putting your feet down?”
“What’s your problem?”
“Feel free to disregard what I say. I just wanted to share my perspective with you. The grime under your soles gets transferred on to other people’s clean clothes and children’s hands. It can make people sick. That’s all. Thank you.”

She smiled and backed off. She sat at the seat she had ear-marked for herself, just on the other side, across the width of the coach. From the corner of her eye, she saw both his feet descend to the floor. With a nearly imperceptible smile she continued to pretend to be looking out of the window and he continued to do the same and the world went by…

Day 859

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Suicide Prevention Interim Report 2016-17 Summary:

This report published by the House of Commons Health Committee outlines five key areas for consideration by the Government before the refreshed strategy is finalised:

(1) Implementation — a clear implementation programme underpinned by external
scrutiny is required.
“To me, it is extraordinary and very distressing that four years after the strategy was published we do not know how many local authorities have implemented anything [ … ] we cannot allow more lives to be lost because we do not have effective governance and implementation. It is such a waste of time and a waste of money.” – Hamish Elvidge, Chair of the Mathew Elvidge Trust.

(2) Services to support people who are vulnerable to suicide—this includes wider
support for public mental health and wellbeing alongside the identification of
and targeted support for at risk groups; early intervention services, access to help in non-clinical settings, and improvements in both primary and secondary care;and services for those bereaved by suicide. We recommend that all suicide prevention plans should include mandatory provision of support services for families who have been bereaved by suicide.

(3) Consensus statement on sharing information with families—professionals
need better training to ensure that opportunities to involve families or friends
in a patient’s recovery are maximised, where appropriate.

Misunderstanding about confidentiality, lack of confidence, or even simply time constraints can lead professionals to adopt a ‘tick box’ approach to seeking consent. Professionals may err on the side of not involving families, rather than taking the time to explore fully with the patient whether there would be benefit in contacting a trusted family member or friend.34 Hamish Elvidge explained it very helpfully: One way is to say “Do we have your consent to share information with a family member, friend or colleague?” The chances are that the answer will be, “No.” Or you could say, “In our experience, it is always much better to involve a family member, friend or colleague whom you trust in your treatment and recovery, and we know the triangle of care is likely to result in a greater chance of successful recovery. This will result in you recovering much quicker. Would you like us to make contact with someone and would you like us to do this with you now?”

(4) Data—timely and consistent data is needed to enable swift responses to suspected suicides and to identify possible clusters, in order to prevent further suicides.

(5) Media—media guidelines relating to the reporting of suicide are being widely
ignored and greater attention must be paid to dealing with breaches by the
media, at national and local level. Consideration should also be given to what
changes should be made to restrict access to potentially harmful internet sites
and content.

Is this document a proof of more red-tape or a source of hope for the future?

Source: https://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm201617/cmselect/cmhealth/300/300.pdf

Day 858

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One of Saagar’s friends and housemates from second year at Uni writes in his memory book. He mentioned her very fondly very often. Friendships, so precious!

Saagar,

You were such a big part of my Durham family and being in fourth year without you is horrible. Second year in Gladstone Villas was undoubtedly one of the best years of my life and everyday I wish we could turn back the clock and be sitting in the living room all together again.
I wish I had been able to speak at your memorial service today but every time I tried to muster the courage to speak, I just burst into tears. I miss you so much.
We had some fabulous house dinners together and I think my favourite is when you convinced me to use two packs of mince for our dinner for two. This made thirty meatballs and we had to use two pans to cook them all. You impressed me with how many you managed to eat!
I always think of you and imagine you happily looking down. Still wish you were my housemate and in my French classes.
All my love,

Louise. xxxxx

Unforgettable, my darling! That what you are.