Day 525

Posted by kidsaregifts20

As I was walking out of the hospital after work, raring to go home, I saw a couple sitting on a bench in the corridor. She was in pieces. I stopped, introduced myself and asked them if I could help. She had been scheduled for an operation. She was anaesthetised and the operation was attempted but for some reason it was not completed to her satisfaction. She was distraught. Her eyes were soulless. She said that she felt like her life was not worth living and there was absolutely no reason to stay alive. Her husband seemed worried. He was trying his best to comfort her and said that at the best of times, she tended to be highly strung. He also said that they had had a rough year.

I sat down beside them, held her hand and said that it was not surprising that she felt that way although at that moment she was under the influence of a number of anaesthetic drugs that might be distorting the true picture for her. This feeling would pass I reassured her. She continued to cry but she was listening.

Not sure how long I was there for but I did leave them with the message that whenever she feels like that she must speak with somebody and gave them Samaritan’s phone number. I identified that she had her parent’s visit over the Easter weekend to look forward to. I brought to her attention that she was much loved and cherished and I suggested her husband get professional help for her. Before I left I saw her regain herself enough to say thank you. There was some light in her eyes. I looked into them and said, “You are so precious. You have no idea how precious you are.”

At this point I had to leave as it would have been unprofessional to break down in front of patients in a hospital corridor.

Day 522

Posted by kidsaregifts20

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Andrew Kirkman was the same age as Saagar. He was a second year physics and philosophy student at Oxford. He ended his life in December 2013. Earlier that week he had seen the college doctor who had prescribed antidepressants for him. His parents had no knowledge of his illness.

Andrew’s mother, Wendy Kirkman has been actively campaigning for a directive that makes it possible for university doctors to inform parents of their children’s mental illness if they are at all concerned. She hopes this would save the lives of other students. “People seem to be frozen into inaction by the fear of disclosing information to the parents of students who are over 18, when they have always had the legal right and perhaps obligation to do so anyway.”

Dr Geoff Payne has issued new guidelines advising university doctors to contact parents if concerned for a students’ mental health.

The argument against this guideline is that merely telling the parents doesn’t fix the problem. That is true. However parents can provide additional support. Close monitoring of such cases and intensive talking therapies also have a very important role. Non-disclosure by itself is not a problem but it does translate to further lack of support in a system that has long waiting lists and inadequate capacity to provide optimal care for patients in need.

The other argument against it is student’s right to privacy.
Can the right to privacy be more important than the right to life?

Day 521

Posted by kidsaregifts20

It was too late by the time they found out but many of his friend’s knew. This couple was completely oblivious of their teenage son’s suicidal intent but he had spoken of it to many of his friends. They didn’t know what to do. They kept quiet. Now the parent’s campaign actively to prevent suicides and their main message for the young is – if any of your friends express suicidal thoughts, please speak to an older person you trust. That person could be you or me or a GP.

Trust is key. How many of us have a trusting relationship with our GP? Unluckily, I did but Saagar didn’t. He had only ever visited the practice twice –once to register as a patient and 6 years later to get his vaccinations before his trip to Uganda. I doubt if he saw the GP on any of those occasions. He didn’t even know the GP before he got really ill.

It is important for all of us to be aware of suicide risk because any of us could be asked for help by anyone at any time. That might be our one chance to keep someone safe.

PAPYRUS was founded in 1997 by a mother, Jean Kerr, from Lancashire following the death of her son to suicide. Gradually other parents all bereaved by suicide began to join her in the belief that something positive could come from their own tragedy.

Determined to prevent other parents suffering such pain, they began sharing their own personal experiences of loss in an effort to reduce the stigma surrounding young suicide and provide help to other parents worried about their child.

Since 1997, PAPYRUS has continued to listen to and learn from the experiences of those touched by young suicide. Today, PAPYRUS remains dedicated to offering support directly to young people at risk of suicide, their parents and any one concerned about a young person they know. Here is a link to their latest newsletter and contact details:

https://www.papyrus-uk.org/news/item/papyrus-newsletter

Call: 0800 068 41 41

Email: pat@papyrus-uk.org

SMS: 07786 209697

Day 520

Posted by kidsaregifts20

The deep shy wells filling up fast just behind the translucent veils of my eyes, he can see.
The innate need of those silent wells to spill, overflow and sometimes cause the floodgates to break open, he can understand.
The fleeting invisible memory that dramatically dances across the fields of vision, mid-sentence, he can sense.
The black smoky sadness that sits inside my hollow throbbing chest, breathing itself in and out of every cell all day and all night, he can feel.
The villainous thoughts that come pounding savagely on the doors of my skull repeatedly hacking at the delicate synapses within, he can hear.
The childlike need for a carefree little jive around the kitchen table, he can share.
The latent desire to synchronise my irregular heavy sighing breaths with his joyful light calm ones, he can know.
The inbuilt, deep set vault filled with priceless gems of secrets and hopes, he can reach.
The obvious potential for boundless joy, love, freedom and creativity, he can fathom.
The big thanks I want to say to the generous kindness of the Universe to have placed us next to each other on this short trip, he can imagine.
Thank you Si.

Day 517

Posted by kidsaregifts20

Death is the ultimate equalizer. It doesn’t differentiate in any way.

Since the day Saagar passed away we have met some deeply traumatised yet wonderfully inspiring people who make this world a better place. Being bereaved by suicide is also a great leveler. It is profoundly humanizing. It makes compassion grow beyond all boundaries. It means living with the everyday fragilities and failings of all human beings including ourselves. It opens the doors of hearts and minds. It changes the way we perceive other people’s problems – they seem to be our own. Somehow we feel closer to people than ever before.

Sebastian Hunter travelled to India when he was in school. He was deeply moved by the poverty he witnessed there. After he died by suicide at the tender age of 18 his mother Anna set up a charity in his memory. She thought about what he would have liked to do had he lived longer. She set up The Sebastian Hunter Memorial Trust which reaches out to those living in the hilly tribal regions of Tamil Nadu affected by disease, disability, and drought. It empower leaders, builds the next generation and works towards a poverty-free India. So far more than 5000 people have benefitted greatly from it. Networks and communities have been formed that would never have come together otherwise.

Their world is certainly a better place. And although Sebastian is greatly missed, our world is a better place for the work done in his name.