death

Day 625

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The 2016 reunion of our batch ended with a bang today. We danced till late at night and had an absolute blast. Si met many of my friends for the first time and they all seemed to get on well. My friends not only liked him and approved of him but were very happy for me, as I am for myself.

Despite all the festivities, two of our classmates were missed most as they could only have attended the event in spirit and I am sure they did. Some of my friend’s kids attended the event, mostly teenagers and young adults. I enjoyed getting to know them. Much as I would have liked to show him off to everyone, which is what I did ever since the day he was born, Saagar could only have attended in spirit and I am sure he did. I felt his presence all the time.

Hundreds of pictures were taken in the hope of capturing the good times and holding on to them forever. Many new memories were created, many friendships consolidated and much strength was derived from the knowledge that we are always there for each other.

The farewells were full of promise and hope of meeting again…soon. As I said many thanks to the universe, this thought came uninvited – Take nothing, absolutely nothing for granted.

 

 

Day 623

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Simba-the-lion-king-39355001-355-484

Lion King, The Musical – I watched it for the 4th time today. Any opportunity to watch it and I am on. The first time was on Saagar’s 12th birthday. I fell in love with it. I liked it more than he did.

The costumes, the singing, the sets, the characters, the humour, the dancing – everything transports me to another world and I am a child again. The tall green grass blowing gently in the wind, the graceful feminine lionesses walking elegantly across, the big huge sun, the abundance of nature, the funny tribal lady with a commanding but light presence and an amazing voice, … so many things! I could go on and on. I missed my Simba terribly. He was so utterly cute and charming! Impossible to get angry with. So gorgeous too.

Well, it is a beautiful world and I am only a child.

Hakuna Matata.

 

 

Day 622

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imgres

Since the day Saagar died I have lit a candle in his memory, in front of his picture every evening. Some days when I am home all day, I light it in the morning and keep it on all day. It feels peaceful. Each time I light the candle I caress his face and look into his eyes. I admire his beautiful face and his short but brilliant life. I watch the hypnotic flickering flame and allow it to sooth my senses. Sitting still, watching the dancing flame, I meditate. This solitary light dispels the darkness in my life and in the world.

For centuries people all over the world, from various traditions and religions have lit candles in remembrance of loved ones as a way of healing the past and bringing hope for the future. This daily ritual connects me to all those people, past and present. It is the focal point of my evenings. It brings together love, sorrow and gratitude to one point. It focuses my thoughts, intentions and prayers. It brings me to this present moment, strengthening my faith in the human spirit and my resolve to change things for the better. It makes me see that Saagar is here with me.

 

Day 620

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Arthur was 15. He died after sustaining severe head injuries as a result of falling 60 feet from a cliff near Brighton last July. He was Nick Cave’s son. The inquest heard that Arthur had taken LSD with a friend and he was seen “staggering” on his own before he fell off the cliff. The friends went there thinking it would be a safe place to experiment with the drug for the first time.

Many youngsters experiment with drugs they do not understand and then make tragic mistakes. Last year, one in six children aged between 11 and 15 in England said they had taken drugs – nearly a third of a million kids!

Elizabeth Burton-Phillip’s son Nicholas ended his own life following a period of addiction and she found the strength to share their story in a book called “Mum can you lend me 20 quid?” Here is an insightful interview with her.

Into my arms by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. 

I don’t believe in an interventionist God
But I know, darling, that you do
But if I did I would kneel down and ask Him
Not to intervene when it came to you
Not to touch a hair on your head
To leave you as you are
And if He felt He had to direct you
Then direct you into my arms

Into my arms, O Lord

And I don’t believe in the existence of angels
But looking at you I wonder if that’s true
But if I did I would summon them together
And ask them to watch over you
To each burn a candle for you
To make bright and clear your path
And to walk, like Christ, in grace and love
And guide you into my arms

Into my arms, O Lord

But I believe in Love
And I know that you do too
And I believe in some kind of path
That we can walk down, me and you
So keep your candles burning
And make her journey bright and pure
That she will keep returning
Always and evermore

Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms

Day 613

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Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,

even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter,

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;

it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;

many persons strive for high ideals,

and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love;

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life,

keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

–Max Ehrman