Memories

Day 769

Posted by

0

Oxford dictionary definition of ‘tribe’ is –
“A social division in a traditional society consisting of families or communities linked by social, economic, religious, or blood ties, with a common culture and dialect, typically having a recognised leader.”

Modern societies are diverse, cosmopolitan and fluid. Tribes and their leaders are not fixed. Leadership is made out to be something much bigger than ourselves when in fact it is embedded in things we do that have a fundamental impact on other lives while we are unaware of that impact. We are just being ourselves – kind and compassionate, funny and silly.

Marianne Williamson said that our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us.

One of Saagar’s flatmates was a hidden singer. One day he invited her to join his band for rehearsals and see how she felt. They casually asked her to sing with them, which she did. Soon she became a star in their band. She sang beautifully at his memorial and recounted this story to me.

We need to value the impact we have on each other’s lives more than money, power, influence and titles. We need to create opportunities for one another, acknowledge it when someone else adds to our life, thank them for it and pay it forward.

This is our tribe and in our own special way, we all are leaders.

Ref: http://www.ted.com/talks/drew_dudley_everyday_leadership#t-311634

Day 768

Posted by

0

“For millions of years, human beings have been part of one tribe or another. A group needs only two things to be a tribe: a shared interest and a way to communicate.” – Seth Godin

Moving from Belfast to London was a culture shock. Suddenly, I was a nobody. Completely anonymous. I loved the freedom it afforded but missed belonging to a group or community. Luckily, it grew around us over time. For many people living in this overcrowded city can be an extremely lonely experience.

The phrase ‘social networks’ appeared many times in today’s lecture on resilience. It reminded me of Saagar. He was all about his friends. His life revolved around them. He was happiest when he was with them. After he left for university, he had officially flown the nest. His identity rested with his peers. Even when he complained about some of their characteristics, he went back to them.

Unfortunately the timing of his illness was such that he was home when all his friends had gone back to start their third year at university. They were physically away from him. He lost his tribe. He lost himself.

Day 761

Posted by

0

One wrong after another – worked in an unfamiliar environment with people I did not know all day – despite best efforts missed the much awaited appointment with my therapist due to late finish at work – we decided to miss King Lear at the Old Vic as we felt knackered – ran into two of Saagar’s school friends just outside the railway station on the way home – surprisingly, remembered their names despite them looking somewhat different from 6 years ago. One of them took my number and said he wanted to visit. We agreed to meet up for coffee next Tuesday. We didn’t talk about him but we gave each other big Saagar hugs.

Tears came rolling down as I walked away in the cold darkness with my arms crossed. I sobbed all the way home, the return walk that Saagar never made. Everything came back – the school, the friends, the life, the food, the laughter, the evenings, the books, the TV, the music… everything. The gaping hole got bigger and darker, swallowing me up.

Got a message from a friend asking me how I was. The story poured out of me like molten lava. I suppose if you ask someone ‘How are you?’, you’ve got to be willing to listen to the answer.

 

Day 757

Posted by

0

photo

Feel No Guilt in Laughter

Feel no guilt in laughter
They would know how much you care
Feel no sorrow in a smile
That they are not here to share.

You cannot grieve forever
They would not want you to
They would hope that you could carry on
The way you always do.

So talk about the good times
And the way you showed you cared
The days you spent together
And all the happiness you shared.

Let memories surround you
A word someone may say
Will suddenly recapture a time, an hour, a day,
That brings them back as clearly
As though they were still here
And fill you with the feeling
That they are always near.

For if you keep those moments
You will never be apart
And they will live forever
Locked safe within your heart.

– Anonymous.

Day 756

Posted by

0

20161119_152520_resized

The Giant’s Causeway is said to have formed 60 million years ago as a result of a unique way in which lava cooled down. It formed forty thousand basalt columns each one with 5 to 7 sides, fitting perfectly into each other. The name comes from a local legend. Finn McCool was a giant who wanted to walk across from Ireland to Scotland through the sea without getting his feet wet. So, he built the causeway. Some geological features at the location are given names like ‘giant’s camel’ and ‘giant’s boot’ to add to the story.

It is one of the most magnificent sites at the edge of the North Atlantic Sea. 3 sets of columns – little, medium and tall are very obviously located and many more lie buried in the sea. The natural geometry is cleverly engineered. Away from the sea behind the ‘giant’s gate’ is a black and red gigantic rock. It is a hidden beauty. I have visited this place a few times before but today was the first time I fully appreciated this picturesque structure. The weather was cold but the light was perfect. Thankfully, there was no rain or fog or crazy wind. Si and I walked up a steep narrow path up to a high point facing the sea and had our ‘Titanic” moment!

Whenever we had visitors from abroad when we stayed in Belfast, a trip to the Giant’s Causeway was an essential part of their Norn-Irish experience along with a seafood lunch at Port Rush and a trip to Bushmills.

10 years ago I was here with Saagar. Today Si was with me.

“You let time pass – that’s the cure. Change can be difficult to accept. You survive the days. You put one foot in front of the other and get on with it. You float through the weeks and months wondering if your life will ever go back to what it used to be.

And then, one day you find yourself alone on a bench in the sun and you close your eyes and lean back and you realise that you’re okay. You realise how far you have come. You realise you’ve just fallen onto a different path leading you to your true destination.         You realise, ‘I can do this’. Behind every smile there is an untold story. Sometimes it’s a mask to hide pain and suffering. Sometimes it’s a true reflection of happiness.”- LL.